Greetings [ORPHAN], We at the Bureau of Orphan Operations (BOO) are sorry to hear of the recent loss of your parent(s), guardian(s) or fairy godmother(s). As detailed in attached booklet AN INTRODUCTORY GUIDE TO BULK ORPHAN PROCESSING, 13TH EDITION, orphananity … Continue reading Werewolves 125: A Sequence of Regrettable Occurrences
Time travel, it turns out, is not fun. Adelaida has a 15-minute head start on the rest of you, since the Searsgate is calibrated to keep the time tunnel a fixed length. She’s thrown out the other side into a … Continue reading Werewolves 120: Adelaida’s Planet – The End
Night passes. You can see the Moon through the boarded-up windows of the Neptune Shoals Community Center. It’s not subject to the same Sun-filtering the Earth is, and is almost as bright as what passes for day in this strange … Continue reading Werewolves 120: Adelaida’s Planet – Day 10
Wendy Hovnatanian awakens from her nap and yawns. “Sorry, everyone,” she says. “When you get to be my age, you need to take it slOH MY GOD. WHAT DID YOU PEOPLE DO?” You look guiltily at the bodies of Crocodile … Continue reading Werewolves 120: Adelaida’s Planet – Day 9
You ascend with alarming speed. Rochester shrinks away below you , becoming nothing more than a brown sore on the snowy flanks of upstate New York. The sky above you becomes an ever-deeper blue. By the time you can see … Continue reading Werewolves 120: Adelaida’s Planet – Day 8
Just as you feel like you can’t possibly descend another flight of stairs, you reach the bottom. Your flashlights play across a rusty blast door with SEARSGATE stenciled across it. “My calves,” says Tiny Tim. “Ooh, the burning. Ooh.” “I … Continue reading Werewolves 120: Adelaida’s Planet – Day 7
Being boiled back to life the second time is worse than the first. Maybe the human body wasn’t meant to be put through multiple rounds of this. You make a note to ask the long-dead Manitoba Cryonics science team about … Continue reading Werewolves 120: Adelaida’s Planet – Day 6
Veronica-8791 is tired. Liberating people from a prison bus and then flying an escape plane is hard. She’s trying to get her head to stop swimming so she can fix this generator. If she can fix the generator, she’ll know … Continue reading Werewolves 120: Adelaida’s Planet – Day 5
L.Q. “Sonny” Clemonds wan’t really sure what this radio thingamajig he’d swiped from Manitoba Cryonics was. At the time, he thought it was just for listening to music, and Sonny sure did like music. But he fiddled with it and … Continue reading Werewolves 120: Adelaida’s Planet – Day 4
It’s not a long flight, and you might actually travel up and down more on the Z axis than you do in the X/Y plane. The wind are erratic but savage. “THE OCEANS ARE FREEZING OVER,” yells Veronica, during one … Continue reading Werewolves 120: Adelaida’s Planet – Day 3
Q. Steve Dougson makes for a surprisingly chatty bus driver, considering he’s a ghost in a shell. He has loads of great stories about being manager of Unified Western Wrestling from its formation in 1986 until his death by lightning … Continue reading Werewolves 120: Adelaida’s Planet – Day 2
You arrive at the Manitoba Cryonics HQ in beautiful downtown Winnipeg on the evening of March 26. The lobby floor is covered with asterisks made out of painter’s tape that are spaced at six foot (two meter) intervals. A sign … Continue reading Werewolves 120: Adelaida’s Planet – Day 1
This is the story of a girl. Long, long ago, in the distant land of Canada, a merchant captain named Ephraim Wimbiscus encountered strange beings in the Northumberland Strait. Emissaries from a dark and distant world, they told him fantastical … Continue reading Werewolves 120: Adelaida’s Planet – Signups
The interior of Santa’s workshop is cavernous, and fully automated. “Charles Babbage and Ada Lovelace taught Santa computer programming in the 1840s,” explains Chordette. “He had a rudimentary AI worked out by the time he died, in 1888. The elves … Continue reading WW110: Santa Fight – Day 7
You sneak through Santagrad’s sewer system, which smells like cinnamon and nutmeg. Chordette’s mom leads the way with the emergency flashlight Scrooge had. In addition to having a solar panel, it also has a crank, which she has to wind … Continue reading WW110: Santa Fight – Day 6
You climb a trellis onto the roof of the Overland house. It turns out to be really, really hard to climb a trellis quietly. “It’s been ages since I’ve done this,” whispers Kevin McCallister. “Is that everyone?” There’s a sudden … Continue reading WW110: Santa Fight – Day 5
The Yuletide Council is furious when Chordette brings the results in. You’re made to wait outside while there’s a great deal of shouting that unfolds in the official chamber. Eventually, voices rise to a crescendo, the doors are flung open, … Continue reading WW110: Santa Fight – Day 4
The APC ride back down into Santagrad is tense. So much death! “I believe this will work out okay,” says Catbug. “I believe,” seconds Rod. “That’s the spirit!” says Chordette, who is loading bean-bag rounds into a riot shotgun. “We’re … Continue reading WW110: Santa Fight – Day 3
The elves lead you from the Great Hall to the Even Greater Hall. Along the way, you have to go through a cursed-looking cinderblock stairwell lit only by a single, guttering fluorescent light. “We keep meaning to have this fixed … Continue reading WW110: Santa Fight – Day 2
After a few minutes of wandering around the plaza, meeting each other and shaking hands, an armored personnel carrier rolls up. Christmas lights are duct-taped to its hull. A woman with pointy ears and a pointy hat dismounts, accompanied by … Continue reading WW110: Santa Fight – Day 1
The place is here. The time is now. You have a life. It’s an okay life, full of ins and outs, ups and downs, pros and cons. The seasons are changing, and now it’s too cold again, and you don’t … Continue reading WW110: Santa Fight – Signups
