Good morning everyone and happy Friday! The FPT’s platform is very progressive and also pro-meme. You go vote me! Yes? Give vote now! Continue reading The Friday Politics Thread Joins the Democratic Primary

Good morning everyone, and Happy Friday! Our president and goofball kids are either a) in cahoots with a foreign government, or b) too stupid to collude with a foreign government. Both of those things are pretty damning. I haven’t read the full Mueller Report yet, because I’m waiting for one of you to transcribe it into crayon pictures for me, but from what I’ve seen so far, it makes Trump and Co. look pretty bad. And dumb. Don’t forget dumb. I want to give the NY Times a shout out as well for being idiots with their headline after Barr’s … Continue reading The Friday Politics Thread Isn’t a Trick, It’s a Collusion

Good morning everyone, and Happy Friday! No matter how bad my life gets, I just remind myself that I could be Julian Assange. There might be some universe with an inverted version of this guy, existing in a solitary cave of his own making in order to expose the horrible truths of, say, the GOP. In this alternate universe, he is a champion of human rights, instead of a dirtbag rapist, maybe. Sadly, here in the dumbest timeline, Assange is merely an international embarrassment. An information shadow broker hidden in mystery, until you go into his hideout and find out … Continue reading The Friday Politics Thread Lives In Its Own Filth

Good morning everyone, and Happy Friday! How are we all doing in this, the twilight of American Democracy? As the oceans boil, the legislature is compromised by special interests, and our presidential figurehead is a complete embarrassment? Fun! Continue reading The Friday Politics Thread is [REDACTED]

Good morning everyone, and Happy Friday! And by “Happy Friday” I mean this is a sad Friday. On one hand, it sounds like the Special Olympics might have been given their budget back. But on the other hand, someone tries to cut funding for the Special Olympics. The Trump administration has long ago decided that they’re no longer interested in the Mitch McConnell variety of underhanded evil, but instead going pedal to the metal with Cartoon Supervillainy. James Bond movies have had less off putting, ridiculous villains than Betsy DeVos. Remember: Continue reading The Friday Politics Thread Has Its Funding Cut

Good morning everyone, and Happy Friday! I’m both tired this morning, and tired in general. Low energy. Sad! Here’s to hoping that nothing terrible happens today, and Trump just shuts up and golfs or something. Always remember: Continue reading The Friday Politics Thread is Very Tired

Good morning everyone, and Happy Friday! I really don’t have much to say. Reality speaks for itself. I have nothing left to complain about or rail against. It’s all just so…so dumb. One of these days I’ll actually put some effort into sharing some news here, but right now I can’t even think of anything. My affliction of Trump Dumbening Syndrome is too much to bear! Be respectful of each other, and do not… Continue reading The Friday Politics Thread Celebrates the End of a Very Dumb Week

Good morning everyone, and Happy Friday! I have been super busy at work the last couple of days, and have mostly exchanged listening to NPR and their quiet, reflective both siderism with WFMU on my commutes, so I’m sort of blissfully unaware of what’s been going on since the Cohen testimony. I can only assume that it lead to the impeachment and jailing of Dopey Donald and the collapse of the Republican party. No? We’re still in hell? Damnit. Continue reading The Friday Politics Thread Never Remembers

Good morning everyone, and happy Friday! As we wait for the Mueller report, which is due out between 1 and 562 weeks from now, we might as well wonder why our Avocado Report report hasn’t already lead to Trump’s impeachment. We have been, for more than two years now, reporting on what a shitty president and criminal Trump has been. Who needs an investigation when everything impeachable about Trump has been screaming directly into our faces the whole time? The car has been driven into the lake long ago, and the Mueller report is going to tell us that the … Continue reading The Friday Politics Thread Releases Its Report

Good morning everyone, and happy Friday! President Baby isn’t getting the money he wants for his wall, so he’s going to make a boom boom in his pants and declare a national emergency about it. An emergency to stop….[checks notes] …some of the lowest numbers of illegal border crossings in years. Of course, Trump is a walking (barely) sentient bag of dog shit whistles, so this is all about his dumb supporters anyway. Remember: Continue reading The Friday Politics Thread Declares an Emergency

Good morning everyone, and Happy Friday! It feels like we’ve been able to actually focus on some non-Trump stories over the last few days. Which is nice. Not that he isn’t omnipresent in the news, but at least we’re getting to spend some time with supporting characters this season, like human cueball Matt Whitaker, the wily presidential Dems, and an entire state government of blackface aficionados in Virginia. Seriously, what the heck, VA? Always remember: Continue reading The Friday Politics Thread Testifies

Good morning everyone, and happy Friday! Woke up this morning to news that Cory Booker has thrown his hat into the race for president. He’s my Senator and I’m happy with the job he’s done, for the most part. To be completely honest, I don’t really see him as president, though. He kind of reminds me of an over eager high school drama club student. As with many of these candidates, my thought when I hear that they are running is essentially, “wait I thought they already announced?”. It seems like we’ve known who was going to run for a … Continue reading The Friday Politics Thread Joins the Presidential Race

Good morning everyone, and happy Friday! I’m running out of snappy header names. I can’t think of anything clever to describe the crippling stupidity of what is going on with our government right now with Trumpy in charge. I’m also posting this quickly, without reading the news, so maybe I’m just missing some good zingers from this morning’s current events and I’m not even aware of it? Anyway…. Continue reading The Friday Politics Thread Something Something

Good morning folks, and….wow. Wouldn’t it be funny if Trump somehow failed to get out of this jam because he lacked the oversight to call Buzzfeed fake news, or “Failing Buzzfeed”? He hasn’t prepared his base for this by lying constantly about something up until this point! I don’t even know what to say anymore, honestly. If the GOP, at this point, isn’t ready to scrap this whole ridiculous experiment, then we’re totally screwed as a country. The only good news is that once Cheeto Mussolini’s approval rating falls low enough, perhaps even they’ll be able to convince themselves that … Continue reading The Friday Politics Thread Totally Colluded

Good morning, and Happy Friday! It is my absolute right to do a state of emergency. It says right here in the Avocado charter, which gives special powers to the Friday PT thread host. This is the only way we can stop the dangerous flow of Kinja migrants. The Kinjas aren’t sending their best, folks. Make Avocado Great Again! More word salad…argle bargle… MS-13… Do not threaten Mayor McSquirrel! Continue reading The Friday Politics Thread Declares A State of Emergency

Good morning everyone, and Happy Friday! We have a new Congress, and it’s the most diverse one yet! Hopefully we’ll see Trump get run out of town by our fine new majority, especially if they make him release his tax returns. Those tax returns must be a complete nightmare. For real. Do not threaten Mayor McSquirrel! Continue reading The Friday Politics Thread Gets Sworn In

Good morning everyone, and Happy Friday! Looks like we avoided the Rapture last night, when a flashing blue glow in the night sky over Queens turned out to be a lame old exploding transformer. Looks like we won’t get out of a Trump presidency that easily! Speaking of the Orange Gasbag, our president used troops in Iraq as a MAGA photo op, after sneaking in to the country and pissing just about everyone off. Now the country wants our troops out. So much winning. Of course, Trump’s supporters will say that this is all part of Trump’s 10D chess playing … Continue reading The Friday Politics Thread Lights Up The Night

Good morning Avocados, and Happy Friday! Honestly, I don’t know what to say anymore. Impeach this deranged motherfucker. That is all. What a God damn joke this country and it’s government are. God. Damnit. Bunch of clowns! Uh, do not McSquirrel, I guess. Whatever. Continue reading The Friday Politics Thread Resigns

Good morning everyone, and happy Friday! I would bring up the idea of it being Firing Friday, but seriously, who is there left to fire in this administration? Jared? His yet to be named new Chief of Staff? I’m not sure he is even aware or some of the other cabinet members’ existence. “Elaine who? Secretary of what? Low ratings, who cares!” At this juncture, you have to wonder if more people will decide to start resigning just to get off of this stinking ship (typo? You decide!). I’m doubtful that “member of the Trump administration” is a great resume … Continue reading The Friday Politics Thread WITCH HUNT!

Good morning everyone, and Haopy Friday! Please proceed to the comment section, through the Trump news, the Disqus borking, and the Twitter shares. There you will find news of collusion, of Russian espionage, and best of all, the sauciest Sex Clams on the East Coast. Keep fighting the good fight, friends. Please do not threaten Mayor McSquirrel! Continue reading The Friday Politics Thread Pleads Guilty

Happy Friday everyone! I haven’t kept up with the news over the last few days, but I can only assume the Trump family gathered around a live turkey and ate it with their bare hands while disrespecting America, in true Trumpy fashion. Don’t try and convince me otherwise! Don’t threaten Mayor McSquirrel! Continue reading The Friday Politics Thread Has A Turkey Hangover