“Hello, my name is Tiff, and I’m a Werewolf.”
The group responds: “Hello, Tiff.”
“Well actually, that’s not true. Mostly. I’m Vanilla Town. Mostly.”
– “Hello, Tiff.”
“Well actually, I may have been a Serial Killer once, but I was murdered by the wolves during the first kill, so that doesn’t make for much of a serial thing, does it?”
– “Hello, Tiff.”
“Enough about me; let’s talk about me! Hello, my name is Tiff, and I have been tasked with introducing our Bundle of Moonie Hopefuls: the nominated ones as well as the ones deserving of a nomination. In short: all of us. No pressure.”
– “Hello, Tiff.”
“Um.”
[…]
“So.”
[…]

“Hello, my name is Jake, and I’m a Werewolf.”
– “Hello, Jake.”
“Well actually -”,
You feel the whole group hold their breath.
“I really like cats. Dogs, too. But mostly cats. I mean, wolves are nice. I guess. I just like cats better.”
You nod. You can work with that.
– “Hello, Jake.”

A man who doesn’t look a day older than thirty-four introduces himself as His Own Werewolf’s Grandpa.
– “Hello, Gramps.”
“Well, actually, I am a Werewolf.”
– “Hello, Gramps!”
“Well actually, I’m a Werewolf as well as a Werewolf’s Grandfather.”
– “Hello, Gram -.”
“YOU?”
“Hello, I’m Narrowstrife, and I’m Scum.”
– “Hello, Narrowstrife.”
Silence.
More silence.
You see shoulders fall and smiles relax all around. Certainty, oh sweet certainty!

Your peace of mind is short-lived.

“Hello, I’m Ralph, and I’m a Werewolf.”
– “Hello, Ralph.”
“Well actually, my name is also Toby. And Keith.”
– “Hello, Ralph, Toby and Keith.”
“Well actually, it’s Andy, too.”
– “Hello, Ralph, Toby, Keith, and Andy.”
“Well, actually, I’m married.”
[…]
“Well actually, I have been in a wedding party with my Beloved once.”
That sounds conceivable.
“It got quite brutal. Some people were murdered.”
That sounds less so.
– “Hello, Ralph.”
“Well actually, we’ve also been on a dating show together.”

One Raven pipes up: “Oh, so you met on a reality TV show and it took? That’s rare, isn’t it?”
“Well actually, we were married for quite a few years already before that…”
[…]
“We were on the dating show together, just not, you know, together-together. We were dating other people at the time.”
[…]
Tiff bellows: “Yooooou!”
“Hello, I’m Raven, and I’m a Werewolf.”
– “Hello, Raven.”
You instantly forget everything about her pleasant presence. As you continue to look around, waiting for more people to introduce themselves, you completely miss how Raven scratches a bit of – rust, presumably? off a razor with just the one extended, devastatingly sharp-looking claw. (But you miss it. This is only put down in writing here for later; in case you allow yourself to be hypnotised to learn from your mistakes. Entirely up to you.)

“Hello, I’m Side, and I’m a Werewolf.”
You don’t believe him. He looks so nice! Just because he’s capable of writing code in thirty-two different ways doesn’t make him cunning, does it? (You may want to file that one away for later, too, darling. Just saying.)
– “Hello, Side.”
“Well actually, I’m also married. Well, kind of. Well actually, we… we also were on this dating show together but were forced to see other people. In order to create quality content and win a lot of money.”
“And did you?” Raven has such a sweet smile, you think to yourself. Before you again forget that she’s even there. She just… belongs.

To your left sits someone who is seemingly made of all colours of the technicolour rainbow. You notice the rolodex under her seat, along with a sextant and rolled-up measuring tape. You lean in, to stage-whisper (social distancing, remember) into her ear: “Are they for real?”
“Of course, they are. Everyone here is real. Hello, I’m Grumproro, and I’m a Werewolf.”
– “Hello, Gr-“
“I happen to be married to Ralph, Toby and Keith. Sometimes Andy. Nice to meet you. I only have 73 questions for each of you.”
You find yourself feeling super-guilty, even as you answer truthfully.

“Hello, my name is Wasp, and I’m a Werewolf.”
– “Hello, Wasp. How’s that supposed to work?”
“If a possum can do this, then certainly a scientist such as myself can. I don an insect suit every now and then, you know, to explore the quantum realm in.”
Nobody understands, except maybe for the two young people sitting on the floor cross-legged. They look up from their plans for a spaceship doubling as a tanning bed, nodding their approval.

You lean to your right. This one’s named Indy. Must be short for “Independent”. You ask him: “Who’s the young man with the great hair?”
Without even bothering to look around, Indy whispers back: “That’s DW.”

Taking in the whole group, you notice the same three things about everyone:
1. Kindness.
2. Smarts.
3. Humour.

You didn’t know that these three discrete traits could manifest so differently across the board, but here you are. It’s astonishing how welcome you feel. Like you belong. You are struck by all these people radiating competence: One Emm in her plaid flannel shirt that she brought all the way from Seattle. There’s a story there. Or one Dicentra, supposedly a relative newcomer like yourself: she’s holding her all-black clad figure as upright as a newly erected gravestone. One Sic in his sweater, covered with cat hair. One Nate, the spreadsheet on his lap loaded and ready. One Louie, smiling at you across the circle, lifting his mug per way of greeting.

You look at them, and you know. You see. These people will take good care of you, give or take a murder or two.

And so, when you find Tiff’s inviting index finger pointed at you, you hear yourself say: “Hello, I’m Newbie, and I’m a Werewolf.”
– “Hello, Newbie.”
“Well actually – I have no idea what I’m doing. But this looks fun.”
The chanting starts in unison: “One of us! One of us!”

Listen people, it’s been a year since I took this picture (1/6/2020, to be exact):

And I still don’t know what I’m doing! (To be fair, I may have refined my technique a bit. I think. I hope.) I’m still having the time of my life, every game I participate in. I truly never before had thought about how the Light Triad would manifest itself in a group of people. Let alone a group of people committed to a game based on murder and deceit! But here I am, and here are you. I would have loved to introduce each of you accordingly, but a) I don’t know all of you equally well and b) this is long enough already. So, as much as I like to talk: Go on in now, it’s time for you to take part in this lovefest aka The Second Annual Moonies. Be kind! Be smart! Be funny! Be your effing awesome selves.

LET THE WILD RUMPUS START!!!