Movie recap/reviews from Afropig on the Hallmark Countdown to Christmas series of movies
I’ve been “reviewing” Hallmark’s Countdown to Christmas approximately for seven years which is another way of saying that I make unhealthy decisions. This year, I’ll be away during the airing of the first film of the season, and I won’t … Continue reading The Hallmark Countdown to Christmas 2025 Lineup
To celebrate the non-occasion of Christmas in July, Hallmark has blessed us with FOUR films that are connected. A mini Hallmark cinematic universe, if you will. Basically, four single friends run a gift wrapping business that is busy all year … Continue reading Hallmark Christmas: Unwrapping Christmas: Olivia’s Reunion
It’s that time of year when Batman smells. Continue reading Couch Avocados: TV Discussion Thread – December 19th, 2024
Ok boils and ghouls, it’s time to to rejoice for I bring you good tidings of great joy: Hallmark has gifted us a movie about THE Santa Claus. None of this pussyfooting around where an old man with a white … Continue reading Hallmark Christmas: The Santa Class Recap/Review
The title to this film is pretty vague. I almost skipped it because I thought it would be a generic Hallmark movie where a Hallmark Heroine falls in love with the man who plays the lead in a small town … Continue reading Hallmark Christmas: Sugarplummed Recap/Review
I don’t know crap about football. Unless a player cuts into the pop culture mainstream through meme-ry or marrying/divorcing Gisele Bündchen, I don’t know who’s what. Anyway, I’m watching the football Hallmark movie about the Kansas City Chiefs. Alana Higman … Continue reading Hallmark Christmas: Holiday Touchdown: A Chiefs Love Story Recap/Review
Well, it’s official. I’m very firmly in the Hallmark target demographic. A ’90s Christmas isn’t a movie about a woman who goes back in time to the tender age of 24 to say yes to her true love in 1992. … Continue reading Hallmark Christmas: A ’90s Christmas Recap/Review
Netflix has decided that it’s hot boy winter and to celebrate the season, they’ve released another classic in their Beefcake Christmas series (thanks for the genre name, SadClown): The Merry Gentleman. Are you a millennial that LOVED One Tree Hill? … Continue reading Netflix Christmas: The Merry Gentlemen Recap/Review
Rom-coms are a staple genre during the Christmas season. Take your usual romance story, put some tinsel on it, and – boom – Christmas rom-com. Knowing that these films are fairly cheap to churn out and their average subscriber will … Continue reading Netflix Christmas: Hot Frosty recap/review
Well, I guess it’s time to watch Hallmark again what with Christmas being here. Rather than start off with the first movie in this year’s Countdown to Christmas (I watched it, it was fine), I’ve chosen a film that 1) … Continue reading Hallmark Countdown to Christmas: ‘Tis the Season to be Irish Recap/Review
Welcome to part two of my descent into madness aka Hallmark’s Countdown to Christmas! They say that the sequel is always better. The writers have taken the beloved bits from the first installment to create excellent cinema. Aliens threw in … Continue reading Hallmark Countdown to Christmas 2023 Recap: Part 2
Every year, I embark on my Hallmark journey. It’s been a long arduous…FIVE YEARS?! I’ve been doing this for five years, which says a lot about the trajectory of my life. Some years have been leaner than others when it … Continue reading Hallmark Countdown to Christmas 2023 Recap: Part 1
It’s October which means we’re once again nearing the dawn of Hallmark’s Countdown to Christmas, programming that somehow manages to be an affront to both God and Satan. However, before diving into this year’s crop of WASPs kissing in a … Continue reading Hallmark Halloween: 3 Bed, 2 Bath, 1 Ghost Recap/Review
After what feels like a million years, it’s finally Christmas. Time off, cool gifts, and precious moments with your loved ones. Oh, it’s not real Christmas? It’s Christmas in July, a Hallmark cash grab? Fine. I guess we’re going to … Continue reading Hallmark Christmas in July: A Royal Christmas Crush Recap/Review
Time marches on and so does Hallmark, never letting up on telling us that Christmas is the most wonderful time to fall in love with some dude from your hometown. Next up on our Christmas Cavalcade of Horrors is A … Continue reading Hallmark Countdown to Christmas: A Tale of Two Christmases Recap/Review
I’m back and ready to see Christmas decorations splattered across every banister and landing. However, in this round, we’re gonna get real classy and go to merry old England. So maybe a mince pie on every banister. We’re watching A … Continue reading Hallmark Countdown to Christmas: The Royal Nanny Recap/Review
While not a Hallmark, I’ve made an exception for this Christmas film. Hallmark pioneered the throwaway Christmas movie lineup over 20 years ago (yep, the first original Hallmark Christmas movie aired in 2000 and starred Beau Bridges) and now every … Continue reading Christmas Crap: Netflix’s Falling for Christmas Recap/Review
It’s finally the most wonderful time of the year! With October comes visions of gingerbread houses, overdecorated fir trees, and Hallmark’s Countdown to Christmas. And as is tradition, I will watch some of them and tell you what horrors can … Continue reading Hallmark Countdown to Christmas: Noel Next Door Recap/Review
It’s July and the world is experiencing a particularly brutal heatwave. You know what that means? Christmas sweaters and Balsam Hill Christmas trees! That’s right. Hallmark took their industrial fake snow machine out of storage, flew in their most available … Continue reading Hallmark Christmas in July: Campfire Christmas Recap and Review
Gather round my babies because I have some important info to share with you. Hallmark, home of bland Christmas movies and sometimes greeting cards, has gifted us a festive film starring none other than Bruce Campbell himself! So, this isn’t … Continue reading Hallmark Countdown to Christmas: One December Night Recap/Review
So seeing as I’m released from recapping EVERY Hallmark this year, I get to pick the ones that either interest me or you, the people. Here by popular demand is The Santa Stakeout! Tanya is a police detective who is … Continue reading Hallmark Countdown to Christmas: The Santa Stakeout Recap/Review
