To celebrate the non-occasion of Christmas in July, Hallmark has blessed us with FOUR films that are connected. A mini Hallmark cinematic universe, if you will. Basically, four single friends run a gift wrapping business that is busy all year round and they all happen to find love. One falls in love with a journalist, another falls in love with prince, a third falls in love with “charming guy”, and the fourth falls in love with her ex. I have opted for the ex film because Hallmark didn’t sell me on the “charming guy” story.

SYNOPSIS

Olivia, the gift wrapping expert at All Wrapped Up, makes a delivery to a remote cabin only to find her ex-boyfriend Benjamin on the other side of the door. After the pair have a minor spat, an unexpected storm traps them together. Neither of them is happy to be forced to spend time together. However as talk turns to shared memories, old feelings and warmth begins to resurface and they are left wondering if it’s possible to get it right a second time.

RECAP

Olivia gets ready for work, filling her car with crap while humming a fake Christmas song. She manages to forget her beautiful dog Ivy and rushes back into her house to lob the dog into the car. Will she leave Ivy in there with the windows up? Who’s to say!

At Gift Wrap HQ, we meet the rest of the leading ladies of the four-part series. Olivia asks them to watch Ivy while she makes a delivery.

It’s a weird business decision to have your head gift wrapper moonlight as the delivery person. She arrives at a quaint shop where she meets Jen. If this was a fun film, Jen would be the love interest, but instead Olivia is going end up getting the hots for a bland man.

Google Maps is wrong, so Jen directs Olivia away from her heart and to the actual delivery destination. Olivia arrives at the Grenville Lodge where she is greeted by Ben, a man in flannel who dyes his hair. Ben is also Olivia’s ex. They have an awkward exchange over coffee.

They still have beef. They broke up because Ben thought her “year round gift wrapping business” concept was stupid, and Olivia didn’t follow Ben to his new job in America’s hellhole (read: New York City).

Olivia storms out. Much to her dismay, the one road into town has closed due to inclement weather. Olivia returns to the lodge, snaps at Ben, and calls one of the girls – Mia – to moan about her situation. Mia recommends that she and Ben do it while they’re stranded.

Ben and Olivia put up decorations and discuss the relationship status of Olivia and her friends. This scene is interrupted by a phone call from lonely Jen. Somehow, cell signals are doing well in this storm. Ben takes off to help Jen with her “radiator problem”.

Jen is gunning to be the next Bennifer and lays the flirtation on thick.

Olivia can’t take the idea of spending the night with her ex and attempts to make a run for it. The road has not magically reopened, so she tries to crash at another house. Unfortunately, it’s Jen’s place which also happens to currently house Ben. Olivia shows up Ben by chugging a hot chocolate and fixing the radiator.

The ex-couple turn down a ménage à trois to go back to the lodge and discuss Ben’s writing career over cold pasta. He refuses to show Olivia his work in progress. In the middle of the night, she sneaks downstairs to read Ben’s draft.

The next morning, Olivia reads more of Ben’s book while he fields a call with his overbearing mother. Over the course of the day, they bond over their lack of a love life. They also lack food. Because of the storm, they are on track to starve to death.

Delirious from hunger, the couple decides to eat spices and a stick of butter. The electricity goes out which further complicates the situation. Cabin fever sets in, so they light candles and engage in a montage of making a very complicated gift bow.

Ben calls Olivia an artist and takes the bow upstairs for a shower.

Relationship-wise, things are looking up until Ben catches his former lady love reading his forbidden book. Ben is PISSED and demands she hand over the book. Olivia takes this as a cue to taunt him by reading his romance story aloud.

Olivia is so turned on by his book that she moves in to kiss Ben, but his family arrives after being released from a ski resort lock-in. They are shocked to see his ex appear from behind the Christmas tree. Ben’s mother has a conniption. He yells at his mother, which makes everything better.

The next morning, Ben and Olivia trek through the snow to buy dinner from the rejected Jen. They invite her to their Christmas meal to rub their newfound love in her face. She accepts.

Ben’s father gives a weirdly religious speech and ends it with the famous Matt Damon quote: “fortune favors the brave.” They eat microwave burritos.

The bridge into town has cleared up, which allows Olivia to make it to the big Christmas gala. She arrives in time to take part in a Christmas bow competition.

As her bow has a mistletoe on it, they hang it up. The crowd demands that the old/new couple kiss.

The four women gather to celebrate that they each met a man. FIN.

REVIEW

Olivia was an asshole for reading that man’s book without permission. That’s my main thought.

Rating: 3 out of 5 ugly bows.

STRAY THOUGHTS

• The intro scene for Jen felt like a classic meet-cute. Watch the scene for yourself. The vibes were there.
• The gift wrapping business idea was a senior thesis??
• New York is always the real villain in a Hallmark.
• Ben’s mom is a classic WASP.
• How did the family arrive at the lodge when the storm is still raging?
• I dunno if they’re playing Catan.
• Throughout the film, the dog makes everyone its bitch.