It’s time for the Avocado’s least favorite tradition, my annual dissection of how terrible the Razzie nominating ballot. This year was especially awful as one of the best movies of the year is on here while the very worst movie I saw last year (Cosmic Sin) is nowhere to be seen. Neither is Me You Madness, which, from what I’ve heard, is supposed to worse than enduring a game from the Jigsaw Killer. Here are the nominees for this year, in screenshot form. Some of the text is smaller on certain pictures because I had to shrink it just to fit them one page (not because there’s a lot of nominees but because there’s some truly insipid commentary) and I had to do two pictures for Worst Remake, Rip-Off, or Sequel and Worst Picture because they included pictures for those categories (and those categories alone). (Quick note: these aren’t the final nominees, just the nominating ballot.)

There were many bad remakes and sequels last year, which makes it all the more baffling that the merely mediocre Venom: Let There Be Carnage is on here while the likes of Don’t Breathe 2, The Forever Purge, and the Wrong Turn remake skate by. Karen‘s spot on here is especially baffling, how the fuck is it a remake of Cruella?

Genuinely shocked that Eternals isn’t on here. When I still posted on the hellscape known as the Razzie forum (which now has more spambots than actual posters, a fitting fate), the HeadRazzBerry (actual title) didn’t particularly care for superhero movies (aside from a few like Superman and the Raimi Spider-Man movies). I’m shocked he didn’t target a Marvel movie that’s more than worthy of being nominated, especially one with such a terrible script. But no, they’re going after random shit that no one cares about like Rogue Hostage and Every Last One of Them.

No, the commentary for Jon Keeyes isn’t truncated, that’s all there is. Not sure why that’s a problem, legendary directors like Robert Altman got his start like that. The Russo brothers really need to be on here for the utterly embarrassing Cherry. They deserve to be on here more than the guy who held the camera on the Diana musical.

And here’s where everything goes to shit. Ben Affleck gave one of the year’s best performances in The Last Duel. Was it silly? Of course it was and it was perfect for the role. And speaking of “silly but perfect for the role,” Jared Leto doesn’t deserve to be on here either (never thought I would say this). Leto is the worst actor to ever live but he was perfectly cast as a pathetic little moron that’s in over his head. Ridley Scott finally found the ideal role for that tool. Bruce Willis’ absence here is especially baffling as he was in SEVEN movies that were universally hated last year, including Cosmic Sin. He was snubbed but Affleck is on here. Also, this is small but it speaks volumes to how little effort is put into these: Hacksaw Ridge came out in 2016, not 2019 as the commentary for Mel Gibson’s nomination.

This category needs to die, there’s less actual screen couples here each year. There’s only two here this year and one is fucking Tom and Jerry. The “Amy Adams & Her Agoraphobic Jimmy Stewart Imitation” is especially baffling as it’s not even a couple by the standards of the other nominees. It’s especially baffling as this year had the most chemistry-free superhero couple ever in Richard Madden and Gemma Chan in Eternals.

Fuck off, you don’t get to target something as amazing as The Last Duel when you let Cosmic Sin and Me You Madness skate by.

Credit where credit is due: I was half-expecting them to nominate Dear Evan Hansen a few times but forget to go after Ben Platt. The same thing happened in 2017, when Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets was on the nominating ballot for Worst Picture and Worst Director of Luc Besson but Dane DeHaan and Cara Delevinge weren’t despite giving two of the worst performances in movie history. Also, this is small but The Marksman is actually a decent movie and Liam Neeson is fine in it (and it’s nothing like Taken). He was terrible in The Ice Road, which the Razzies ignored.

Was… was the constant “In the Title Role” parentheticals supposed to be a joke? Megan Fox’s nomination is interesting. I haven’t seen it but I do know that Bruce Willis was in it. So, they know of at least one Bruce Willis movie last year but didn’t think to see if he was in anymore. Lazy, lazy, lazy.

There’s not much more to add here aside from pointing out that Cosmic Sin and Me You Madness were snub-

*looks at Karen entry again*

Holy shit, did they just put in the Worst Remake, Rip-Off, or Sequel category for a dumb joke? There’s precedent for that with the Razzies but it’s never been this much of a stretch before. Christ.