As a special Easter treat, Jelle’s Marble Runs has gifted us with a set of three bonus races from the archives.

Race 1

In the first race, 9 colourful Easter eggs battle it out for sand rally supremacy. Let’s meet our contestants, shall we?

1. Milk Chocolate (light blue). Delicious. Reliable. 8/10.
2. Banana Split (yellow). High variance in quality, mostly due to banana ripeness. 6/10.
3. Hazelnut (green). This ain’t coffee town. 5/10.
4. Duo Chocolate (purple). You can’t just make up types of chocolate. That’s cheating. 3/10.
5. Coconut (silver). You put the lime in the… 9/10.
6. Strawberry (pink). Fruity. 8/10.
7. Caramel (bronze). Never trust anything that’s gooey on the inside. 4/10.
8. Plain Chocolate (red). Just sugar, cocoa solids, and cocoa butter? I can respect that. 7/10.
9. White Chocolate (gold). Not real chocolate. Fuck off/10.

The asymmetric obloid shape of the eggs means that these races are more unpredictable than usual. It’s fairly common for eggs to just come to a stop and give up halfway down the track. Only four eggs manage to complete the first race: Caramel; Milk Chocolate; Coconut; and Banana Split, in that order.

Race 2

In the second race, we have 5 brightly-coloured superballs:

1. Orange
2. Green
3. Blue
4. Red
5. Yellow

All of them are uncreative and therefore receive ratings of 4/10.

Superballs are considerably larger and bouncier than marbles. However, on the soft, sandy surface, their bounciness is mostly negated. Size is really the determining factor here, making it difficult for balls to pass each other. Blue, Yellow, Red, and Orange finish in that order, with Green getting knocked out of the track.1Red clearly made an illegal check on Green to knock him over the lip of the half-pipe. The referees should have disqualified Red and sent him to the tire factory.

Race 3

Realizing that racing in egg form was inefficient, the eggs decide to send marble representatives in their stead. Strawberry and Coconut are eliminated for not being chocolate.2This was a controversial decision, and I dispute the assertion that Easter eggs must be cocoa-based and can’t be more general confections. That leaves space for Extra Pure Chocolate to join the ranks, represented by a black marble.

The eight marbles wind their way down a twisting Hubelino track, and in just a few seconds, the race is over, with Hazelnut (green), Duo (purple), and Extra Pure (black) coming out on top. Wait, was this viral marketing for Barney the Dinosaur? We’ve been duped, folks! Shut it down!

Complete stats for Marbula One can be found at the Marble League Wiki.