In the dark of the night, the Luggage scuttles alone among the trenches. In the distance, explosions bloom, the sound a few seconds behind. The occasional bullet sizzles past overhead.
“𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚎,” says the Luggage to itself. Then, out of the corner of whatever it uses to see, it sees a strange phosphorescence disappear around the corner.
“𝙸 𝚊𝚖 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚢,” says the Luggage, following. “𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚐𝚘𝚝 𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚜𝚎𝚎𝚗.”
E-dog’s voice whispers, “It really is the bullets.”
Too late, the Luggage realizes it was a trap.
“It was a trap!” says one of the Germans – they finally found their guns. There’s a brisk volley of lead hitting sapient pearwood, and then silence. Apart from all the other war noise, I mean.
The Luggage (Jake) has died. She was INFANTRY (Town).
Morning comes, and you all drag yourselves out of bed to crush the German war machine or whatever. Coffee helps.
“Attention!” says Lt. Trout, standing at the head of the table. “I have received intelligence indicating that there may be a German push today. Be on your g-”
Fifteen artillery shells land in the space of three seconds, followed by a monsoon of gunfire and lots of shouting. A couple of biplanes swoop over, and the pilots toss out bombs. It’s real bad.
You spend the next 20 minutes furiously trying not to die. Then, the sky opens up in a coruscating tunnel of blue. A figure descends from it, dressed in strange clothing, and wearing a rope around its waist. It faceplants into the mud, sits up and screams for a bit.
Then it’s out of air. You and the visitor stare at each other for a second.
“What year is this?” it asks, slowly.
You look at each other, uncertain.
“I’ve heard of this,” says Jonathan Hamsworth, whisper-shouting over the gunfire. “A battlefield angel! It’s come here to save us!”
You all lower your weapons and look at the angel with newfound awe. Far behind you, an artillery shell thumps into the mud and explodes with a loud hiss. None of you turn around.
“Uh,” says says the angel, and jerks the rope a bunch of times really fast. You watch as it’s yanked back through, and the portal irises shut.
“Is that… a good sign?” says Victor Delamarre.
Behind you, Lt. Trout screams “Gas! Gas! Gas!” You all sigh and put on your masks.
“Bringing You Tomorrow’s War, Today”
- Fuckin’ shit sucks.
- The Balloon Sultanate of the Stratosphere has withstood the villainous onslaught of the Kaiser’s mighty zeppelins – but how much longer can it hold out? Surely Zip Jones, that hero of the air, will come and save the day!
- To free our fine language of Teutonisms, please exchange the following words:
- Hamburger → Freedom Loaf
- Frankfurter → Long Meatball
- Seltzer → Carbonated Water Drink
- Kindergarten → Zeroeth Grade
- Angst → Loud Sadness
- Dachshund → Evil Traitor Dog
Today’s Trading Cards
The Germans captured our shipment! How dare!
“Fragments from France”
By Bruce Bairnsfather
- A Winged Potato – Lord Flashheart
- Annanomally – Reposted InnDEEEEED Comments
- April LKD – King Elroy Bertrand Poopypants of East Hampshire
- D. Goat – Gort v3.0
- Grumproro – D.H. Lawrence
- Hegel Exercises
- Jon Hamm’s John Ham – Jonathan Hamsworth
- Mayelbridwen – Bertha “Rilla” Marilla Blythe
- Mr. I’m My Own Grandfather – Rear Brigadier Zapp Brannigan
- Owen1120 – Augustus Sebald
- Pulprobot – John Harrison – Replaced on Day 2 by AWP
- Ralph Waldo Wiggum – Victor Delamarre
- Shipwreck – Midshipman Hector “Shipwreck” Delgado – Replaced on Day 3 by Thoughts
- Sister Mary Francis – Special Private Dolores “Babyface” Guppy
- BannerThief – Corporal BannerThief Vakarian – GERMAN SPY. Died Day 5 in a duel against Jake.
- Boris – GERMAN SPY. Killed Night 4 by NCO #1.
- BrittaBot – Svvëdish Chef – Infantry. Died Day 2 in a duel against Josephus.
- Clodia – Clothilde Renou – GERMAN SPY. Stabbed to death by the rest of you at the end of Day 6.
- Donalbain – HUNGARIAN SPY. Killed Night 3 by NCO #2.
- Dr. Nick – The Internet – MEDIC. Killed Night 1 by the Hungarian Spy.
- DW – Merchant from Resident Evil 4 – Infantry. Killed Night 2 by the Hungarian Spy.
- E-Dog – GERMAN OFFICER (Wolf roleblocker). Sent over the top at the end of Day 5.
- Flubba Gunto – Officer Krazy Kat – Infantry. Killed Night 3 by stray shrapnel.
- Hohopossum – Australian wombat-ready possum – Infantry. Killed Night 4 by stray shrapnel.
- Jake – The Luggage – Infantry. Killed Night 6 by the German spies.
- Josephus Brown – Portugal. The Man – Infantry. Sent over the top at the end of Day 4.
- Lamb Dance – John Laurens – Infantry. Died Day 6 in a duel against AWP.
- Lindsay – Lena von Meow – Infantry. Died Day 1 in a duel against Mike.
- Louie Blue – Cheikh Khoulé – Infantry. Forced to sacrifice himself at the end of Day 5 to aid the jailbreak from Stalag 69.
- Lord Stoneheart – Bidoof – Infantry. Died Day 1 in a duel against Jake.
- Mac Crocodile – Lance Corporal Alistair Edmond Angela MacCrocodile III – NCO #1 (“OGNCO”) (VIGILANTE). Killed Night 4 by the German spies.
- Miss Rim – Dame Augusta Mimsy-Porpington of the Great Snoring Mimsy-Porpingtons – MEDIC. Killed Night 3 by the Hungarian Spy.
- Mr. Glitch – Infantry. Sent over the top at the end of Day 2.
- Otakunomike – Infantry. Sent over the top at the end of Day 1.
- Pearl Sheltie – Buster Keaton/Lt. Count Dracula/Shane McGowan – GERMAN SPY. Died Day 4 in a duel against Louie.
- Sic Humor – Steve Smith – Infantry. Died Day 2 in a duel against Spooky.
- Sister Jude the Obscure – Mary Pickford – NCO #2 (VIGILANTE). Killed Night 4 by the German spies.
- Smapti – Smaptibus µ, of the Mermarians of Mu – Infantry. Died Day 7 in a duel against Ralph.
- Snugglewumps – Billy D. Orfan – GERMAN SPY. Killed Night 1 by the Austrian spy; also targeted by NCO #1.
- Spiny Creature – Comrade Samantha Parkington, an American girl – AUSTRIAN SPY (SK #1). Killed Night 1 by the German spies.
- Spookyfriend – Sean the 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚕𝚢 doll – Infantry. Died Day 2 in a duel against AWP.
- Subsaharan – Space Corporal Subsaharan
- The Hayes Code – Deryn Sharp – INVESTIGATOR. Killed Night 5 by the German spies.
- Ult Warrior – Infantry. Killed Night 2 by NCO #1
- Zecko – Thelonious “Zecko” Flashman – Infantry. Killed Night 2 by the German spies.
- Fully Integrated First Irregulars (TOWN)
2911 Infantry (Vanilla Town) 2 Medics 1 Investigator 1 2 0 NCOs (Vigilantes)
- German Spies (WOLVES)
1 German Officer (Wolf Roleblocker) 83 German Spies (Vanilla Wolves)
- Austro-Hungarian Spies (Serial Killers)
1 Austrian Spy (SK #1) 1 Hungarian Spy (SK #2)
- Win conditions:
- The wolves win when they are equal to the number of town-aligned players left (if the SKs are dead), or outnumber the non-wolf players (even if the SKs are still alive).
- Town wins when all the wolves and the serial killers are defeated.
- The serial killers win when it comes down to just them and one other person.
- A three-way standoff between the last town, last wolf and one or both SKs will result in a special ending.
- Night actions:
- There isn’t a hard order that night actions occur in. This is to allow as many of them to go through as possible. Roleblocks will always take precedent over the actions of the targeted player, however.
- Your night actions do not happen if you are in Stalag 69.
- In order to keep the game moving, each night will be a maximum of 12 hours long. Be sure to get your night actions in within 12 hours of twilight, or they won’t be counted.
- Role rules:
- The medics cannot medic themselves or each other. They cannot medic the same person two days in a row.
- The German roleblocker cannot roleblock the same person two days in a row.
- The investigator will be told the alignment of the person they investigate. Results are either ENTENTE (town), GERMAN or AUSTRO-HUNGARIAN.
- The medics know each other’s identities, but do not share a QT. Same for the Austrian and Hungarian spies.
- Being medic’d prevents the target from being killed or captured by the enemy, but does not prevent them from being investigated or using their night action (if any)
- A roleblock prevents the target from using their night action (if any), but does not stop outside night actions affecting them (i.e., being killed, captured or investigated.)
- Being simultaneously targeted by both the roleblocker AND a medic effectively means the target is jailed, and can neither use their night action nor be affected by other night actions.
- For a full list of role details, see the sign-up sheet.
- Prisoner capture and trading
- Each night, you will capture 3 or 4 enemy NPCs, and they will capture 4 of you. Their captives will go to Stalag 69, a German POW camp, and you can trade for them in a daily vote thread.
- Trades are always 1:1.
- You can only vote for one person (or “no trade”) each day. The top vote-getters will be traded for with as many NPC prisoners as you have. If one of the top votes is for “no trade,” you will save one prisoner for the next day.
- Players left in Stalag 69 too long will die (see “Kill powers,” below).
- If the number of unimprisoned players drops below one third of the original player count, a prison break in Stalag 69 will be orchestrated. Not all prisoners will be able to escape, and they will have to vote for who stays behind. Those who don’t escape will die, and there will be no more prisoner captures or trades.
- Kill powers:
- The German Spies (wolves) have a collective night kill, which will be conducted with improvised weapons.
- The Austrian Spy (1st SK) has a night kill with a Rast & Gasser M1898 revolver. Multiple kills in a single night are possible with this weapon, but only if kills are foregone on previous nights.
- The Hungarian Spy (2nd SK) has a night kill with Pontostárgy, the Doom Sword.
- The NCO (town-aligned vigilante) has a night kill with railway artillery, which can hit anyone, anywhere. There is a 25% chance it will accidentally kill someone in the same area as the target victim (either the main trench or Stalag 69).
- Any two players who are not in Stalag 69 can agree to a daytime duel, in which one of them will die. Results are immediate; odds of winning are 50%. Limit 3 duels per day.
- Players in Stalag 69 will die of disease if left there for too long. The exact length of time will be between 2 and 5 days, and each player will be told the number going in. These are night deaths, and will be publicly reported the following day.
- Vote Threads:
- Prisoner swap thread: You can only vote for one person. If necessary, I will break a tie by randomly choosing between the tied players.
- Sending people over the top (kill thread): A tie at the end of day results in no one going over the top. A majority of living players voting for any one person (or not to kill) ends the day early.
- If you die during the day, your votes (if any) in the kill thread and swap thread for that day will still be counted. However, you can’t add or change your votes after you’ve died.
- You can’t duel yourself.
- You can’t duel Captain Video.
- Do not coerce third parties into dueling each other.
- There are no secret powers or win conditions in this game. Any changes I have to make to the mechanics will be announced publicly.
- No editing posts.
- No quoting or screencapping from your QTs.
- If you have any other questions about rules, please ask in QT, and I will answer publicly here.
Current Victrola music:
Day 7 ends Wednesday at 4 p.m., EST, or when a majority vote is reached.