You’re all feeling pretty proud of yourselves when the bus returns. The doors open, and inside Rafto is the color of a lobster.
“I got carbon monoxide poisoning!” he yells at you. “Which one of you numb-nozzles forgot to close the back door?”
“How are you not dead?” asks Pistachio Lee, Ace Detective.
Rafto gives him a level stare. “What, you thought last month was the first time I died? Kid, I die once a week at this point. You’d be amazed how much deadly shit you’re surrounded by.”
Sensing an opportunity, Doktor Proktor speaks up. “I killed GIRsCupcake.”
“FUCK,” yells Rafto.
“He was the killer.”
“NICE,” yells Rafto, in the exact same tone of voice.
The drive back to the station is only moderately harrowing, and Rafto drags Gir’s body down to his office and onto his desk, where it lies next to a computer that looks like it’s from the late ’90s. You’ve never been to Rafto’s office before, and it’s intimidating. The shelves are lined with thick books whose leather covers have darkened with the passing of centuries.
“Don’t touch any of my shit,” says Rafto, knocking aside a few empty bottles to make room for Gir’s head. “Some of it’s cursed and most of it’s stolen.”
He opens and drawer and retrieves a device that looks like a scan gun from a supermarket. He plugs this into the computer and starts waving it across Gir’s body.
“Fuckin’ Microsoft Murder Motive 97,” he yells after a second. “Fuck you, you fuckin’ paperclip, I am not writing a letter!”
You all remain silent while the scanning continues, and then there’s a beep.
“Son of a bitch,” says Rafto, dropping into his chair. He chucks the scanner back in the drawer and retrieves a half-empty bottle of Goldschläger. He takes a big swig, then burps up some gold flakes.
“What?” says Inspector Moufdo.
“It says he wasn’t working alone.” Rafto sits up. “In fact-”
At that exact moment the lights cut out. There are separate scuffles on either side of the room, then two separate gunshots, and finally a high-pitched fart. The lights come back up.
“Oh, thank fuck,” says Rafto. “I was sure the dark forces had finally come to take me away.” There’s a pause while he reads the room. “I mean, aw shit.”
In one corner, slumped to the floor, is Doktor Proktor, his gun in his hands, blood tricking down between his eyebrows. From the angle of the gun, it looks like he shot himself in the head.
Doktor Proktor has died. He was the first inspector. With his death, the working EviSync will be reassigned at the beginning of Day 4.
On the other side of the room is another gunshot victim – Detective Superintendent Stella Gibson. “Oh fuck,” says Rafto. “There’s gonna be so much goddamn paperwork for a detective superintendent. Shit.”
Stella Gibson has died. She was vanilla town.
Pinned to her body is a note:
“There’s more bad cops,” says Rafto, looking at his computer. “FUCK YOU, PAPERCLIP.” He clears his throat. “I think there’s one rogue guy working by themselves, and a group of people doing the Snowman thing. This is bigger than we thought.”
He finishes off the bottle of Goldschläger and tosses it into the trash. “I need to make a fuckton of calls. Here.” He reaches into Doktor Proktor’s satchel bag and retrieves his EviSync – the one that works. “Take this down to IT and have them reset the fingerprint scanner so one of you can use it. Christ,” he mutters, “this was the wrong week to ask for a raise.”
- forget_it_jake – Detective Luce Hole
Owen1120– Doktor Proktor – The first inspector
- A Winged Potato – Detective John Shaft (replacement for liz156)
- Capt.LindsayFünke – Anita Glasscox
- Mello Yello Enthusiast – Hugh G. Jizztracks
- Lutair – Flocculent Fissure (replacement for Cuttles)
- MacCrocodile – Richard Peter Nuss
Snugglewumps– Detective Superintendent Stella Gibson – Cop Pulprobot– Major Bill Jobs – Cop
- Smapti Jones – Officer Snowman Jones
- Hotline BannerThief – Officer “BannerThief” Vakarian
- JonHamm’sJohnHam – Officer Ralph “Lefty” Hamjab
- Doctor Nick – Col. Angus Nuss
- Zecko – Pistachio Lee, Ace Detective
- Creeper – Inspector Moufdo
InDEEEEED– Officer Indy Rumpe – Cop GIRsCupcake– Bad cop
116 cops (vanilla town)
- 1 investigator (true cop – currently dead). If the investigator is killed, the position will be back-filled by a randomly selected townie after one in-game day.
- 1 jailkeeper. This role will NOT be back-filled if they are killed.
43 bad cops (mafia)
- 1 rogue cop (serial killer)
- The investigator role will always be backfilled from the vanilla town population. If there are no more vanilla town members left, the role will be left empty.
- The jailer cannot jail themselves, or the same person two days in a row.
- Bad cops (mafia) will show up as BAD COP on the investigator’s EviSync. All others come up COP.
- The bad cops win when they are equal to the number of town-aligned players left.
- Town wins when all the bad cops and the serial killer are defeated.
- Serial killer wins when it comes down to just them and one other person.
- A three-way standoff between the last town, last wolf and SK will result in a special ending.
- A tie at the end of day results in No Lynch. A majority of living players voting for any one person (or No Lynch) ends the day early.
- No editing posts.
- No quoting or screencapping from your QTs.
- If you have any other questions about rules, please ask in QT, and I will answer publicly here.
DAY ENDS: 6 p.m. Eastern on
Wednesday Tuesday (countdown)