TV

Seinfeld, Season Nine, Episode Four, “The Blood”

Kramer becomes preoccupied with storing his blood. Elaine becomes preoccupied with being a great babysitter. George becomes preoccupied with combining food and sex. Jerry becomes preoccupied with losing weight.

Written by: Dan O’Keefe
Directed by: Andy Ackerman

I’ll give that this episode has some of the weaker elements of season eight – that is to say, I get the general idea of Elaine’s plot here, but it feels a little bit silly even for her. It’s not the first time her idealised image of herself has led her to do something she’s not only unqualified for, but doesn’t want, but it feels like the steps are a bit more obvious than normal; theoretically, this is less silly than Elaine ending up boss of the Peterman catalogue, but her behaviour there felt more plausible, and the action was a little more interesting than “kid occasionally kicks people”. Elaine is a great stand-in for the part of us that likes the idea of power and not the actual responsibility that comes with it, but she’s done better than here.

On the other hand, everything else works really well for me here. George’s story of trying to make life more efficient very much captures how people can try to quantify and maximise the pleasure they get from life; I like playing Futurama and The Simpsons on my phone while I’m doing boring stuff, and playing them while I’m doing something I already enjoy would only be a step further (certainly, there are people who quasi-brag about having music and a TV show going while they play a video game). I’m tickled especially by the very Seinfeldian escalation of George beginning to associate eating with sex itself. Kramer and Jerry’s intertwined plots especially tickle me here. The show knows on a bone-deep level that intermingling Jerry and Kramer is a very easy laugh, and literally intermingling them with Jerry getting Kramer’s blood is a great and iconic gag (as evidenced by the fact that you probably recognised the image I used for the header). 

TOPICS O’ THE WEEK

  • “Poor Marvin Kessler, he went too early.” / “He was ninety-six years old!” / “That had nothing to do with it, the man was out of shape.”
  • “Marvin Kessler. Boy, that makes you think.”
  • “I couldn’t raise a kid? Come on, I love bossing people around!”
  • “So she didn’t appreciate the erotic qualities of the salted, cured meats?”
  • “Maybe instead of satisfying two of your needs, how about trying to satisfy one of somebody else’s?”
  • “You know, for a fat guy, you’re not very jolly.”
  • I forgot what a goofy little noise Jerry makes before the knife hits him.
  • “I can feel his blood inside of me. Borrowing things from my blood.”
  • “George, we’re trying to have a civilisation here!” This is my third-favourite Jerry line. It feels just as much like the whole show crunched down into a single line as “Ya know, we’re living in a society!”
  • “Is this a gym or some kind of fitness museum?”
  • “What are you doing?” / “… Pleasuring you?”
  • “You gonna eat that?” / “No, but please tell me that’s all you’re gonna do with it.”

Biggest Laugh: “Is this about me?” / “No.” / “Well, then I’ve lost interest.”
Next Week: “The Junk Mail”

[Apologies for the lateness. I have no idea what happened.]