Kramer buys a chicken and names it ‘Little Jerry’, only to realise it’s a rooster, so he enters it in a cockfight. Elaine dates a man who shaves his head and convinces him to grow it out, only for them to discover he’s going bald. George dates a woman in prison. Jerry’s cheque bounces at the grocery store and he fights to have his reputation restored.

Written by: Jennifer Crittenden
Directed by: Andy Ackerman

With the obvious proviso that women aren’t a hive-mind, it’s my experience that women as a rule really don’t give a shit about hair loss in men. In fact, I understand that many women find baldness itself attractive (see Jason Statham, Bruce Willis, even Patrick Stewart). That said, Elaine’s preference for a full head of glorious hair and, more importantly George and Kurt’s anxiety over baldness are very real. The funny thing about George is that not only have all his anxieties remained in the public discourse, it actually feels like it’s gotten worse; the internet bringing together marginalised people and letting them realise their shared suffering has also led to people grouping up and blowing their minor insecurities out of proportion, until George looks relatively stable and normal. Him and Kurt commiserating late in the episode works so well because it’s a rare chance for George to be smug and also kind of helpful; it’s such a useful, visible way for a man to know he’s hit a Certain Age.

Meanwhile, with George himself, him dating a woman in prison is another riff on his desire for the abstract concept of a relationship whilst not being too keen on the reality. As always, what George really wants is control over his environment and to be comfortable at all times; the ‘pop-in’ in particular is something that would obviously irk him. A girlfriend in prison gives him the out to say that he has a girlfriend without any of the inconveniences to his daily life; it’s notable to me that sex is almost secondary to this. Going back to those internet thoughts, a modern day George would have the language and archetypes to say he wasn’t interested in a relationship. Of course, modern day internet culture has given us completely different Seinfeldian problems.

TOPICS O’ THE WEEK

• “So the longer you know someone, the shorter you wait for them?”
• “He can’t do that!” / “It’s the only way you’ll learn.” I love how menacingly Michael Richards says that.
• “I noticed you used the, uh, ‘clowns with balloons’ cheque design.”
• “This is guts.” / “What? Clinging to some scraps?” / “These are not scraps. These are the remains of a once great society of hair.”
• “Even I am not above the policy.” This is a very Seinfeld moment, where the rules are stronger than the person who makes them.
• “You asked her out?” / “Well, not ‘out’. She’s a prisoner.”
• “Allow me. Why?”
• “Are you sayihg I could be dating this hair? … With you under it?”
• It’s weird to me that cockfights were such a thing in Nineties TV. Kramer thinking they wear gloves and helmets is very Kramer.
• “Hey, I bought you some cigarettes. Buy yourself something nice.”
• “Hey, if you two are meant to be together, I’m sure the cops will pick her up on something.”
• “I don’t care.” This shows up in a lot of shitposts. Similarly, “This is outrageous!” is a popular gif.
• “She’s a wonderful girl. She’s very smart, very crafty…”
• “It’s a big change.” / “Jerry, it’s three-thirty in the morning. I’m at a cockfight. WHat exactly am I clinging to?”

Biggest Laugh:

Next Week: “The Money”