Towards the end of the Age of Strife, the Emperor crafted 20 magical clone babies that he called Primarchs. The forces of Chaos didn’t like the Emperor very much, so they kidnapped his magical clone babies and threw them randomly all over the galaxy, and the Emperor had all kinds of adventures finding them again. This thread is about the 19th magical clone baby the Emperor recovered – [Redacted], Primarch of the 11th Legion.

As you may be wondering, the Emperor got REALLY mad at this Magical Clone Baby and demanded that all data pertaining to this Primarch be expunged from Imperial records. As such, we don’t know much about them. We know that they were found in 29,957 AD and that by 29,994 AD the Emperor had declared them to be Damnatio Memoriae. All else is speculation.

Many have asked why some of the clone babies are dark-skinned, while others are very pale, and why some are blonde while others have hair of the darkest black. “They’re clones! They should all look the same!” Well, dear Open Thread, the fact of the matter is that the Magical Clone Babies were actually Magical Test Tube Babies; the Emperor did contribute DNA to their creation, but a fellow perpetual, a brilliant geneticist named Erda, also contributed her genetic material! There was nothing as unwholesome as sex involved, but at the genetic level the Clone Babies had a mother as well as a father! A genetic lottery was indeed at play; the Emperor and Erda tweaked the recipe for each to ensure certain traits were dominant in each child, but they let the dice fall where they may for more cosmetic traits.

What does this have to do with the 19th magical clone baby? Well, with twenty babies, it was inevitable that the dice would come up XX instead of XY. And that’s what happened here. The 19th Primarch is the daughter of Emperor and Erda!

[+++WARNING: HERESY INCOMING+++]

I believe that this Magical Clone Baby landed on the mining colony of K-2L, where she was found by Rodney and Virginia Aran. She was named Samus by her adoptive parents, and spent three idyllic years impressing them and her fellow colonists with her martial skills and facility with xenos technology. An evil space pirate ruined that when he destroyed the colony on K-2L. A minor xenos race known as the Chozo heard the colonists’ distress signal and came to the rescue, but were too late; Samus was the sole survivor. The Chozo adopted Samus and taught her their birdlike and mystic ways.

The Emperor knew he had a daughter, and was already reluctant to find her because he was a chauvinist pig, but when she became family to a bunch of Xenos, he immediately just wrote her off as a loss. He made up some cockamamie story to her brothers about betrayals and unforgiveable crimes and used his mighty psychic powers to make them believe it, and even remember adventures with their “lost” “brother”. Samus, for her part, would become a galactic bounty hunter and since everyone she knows ends up dying in world-ending disasters, she has no idea that being 10,000 years old isn’t normal for humans.

[+++END HERESY+++]

The lesson here is that eventually even questions like “why do they look different if they’re all clones” do get answered, so you should all feel ashamed of yourselves for even questioning the Lore. Have a beautiful Sunday, and post with dignity and respect for all life.