You might want to sit down for this: Jurassic Park is now 30 years old. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you. I’ll give you a moment to come to terms with your mortality (unless, of course, you were born after it came out, in which case, get off my porch, whippersnapper!).

Anyway, I probably don’t have to inform you that Jurassic Park was everywhere when it came out. Dinosaurs took over toy store aisles, lunchboxes (do kids still use those?), video games, books, and, I am happy to report, McDonald’s. Yes, what better way to sell a movie in which human beings become meat than by trying to sell you some meat? Unfortunately, due to the film’s PG-13 rating and the fiasco that had happened with Batman Returns a year prior, there was no Happy Meal promotion. Sorry. I would have loved to have a toy Wayne Knight too.

There was still some really cool stuff for “grown-ups”–most notably a set of six collector cups. Holy shit, I really wish that fast food chains would start doing these again, because these are fucking sweet. Sadly, I didn’t get any of them as a kid–I didn’t even watch Jurassic Park until my family rented it from Blockbuster years later–but I would love to seek these out on eBay someday. They look very nice, and would compliment your “Dino-Sized” meal quite well…

From what I’ve been able to gather, the “Dino-sizing” was so successful for McDonald’s that it inspired the now discontinued “Super Size” menu. But that wasn’t the only way the chain was tickling tummies to celebrate a film in which human beings end up inside dinosaur tummies (that is a sentence I just wrote). There was also a “Jurassic Park Value Meal” which showcased a triple cheeseburger (curiously, this item was later used for the Hercules promotion in 1997. See, this is the sort of thing I find interesting. I might be a very boring person). I do love the commercial they did for this, which has the blue collar workers of the island thrilled to have been given Mickey D’s as a late night snack. It honestly makes me happy, and I really hope none of these guys got eaten by raptors…

Have a great night, y’all!