“The Dr. D Night Thread is here, and I am the Dr. D Night Thread”

The Christmas Brigade is a 1997 (or maybe 1996) straight-to-video CGI “movie” which serves as a sequel to the obscure 1995 video The Christmas Light. It features Santa, some Christmas elves, and a teenage girl, and there’s a spaceship they all fly around in as they bring “Christmas cheer to the entire world.” Or something.

Anyway, Dr. D is an evil space alien who wants to steal all of the world’s most valuable landmarks so he can place them all in his personal display case. For reasons. Dr. D’s backstory is that he was born fat–so fat that his picture had to be taken using a satellite–but since then he has slimmed down and fancies himself extremely sexy. Also, since this is an ultra-low budget computer-animated movie from the 1990s, Dr. D looks like shit. Half the time when he moves his arm looks like it’s about to snap right off of his body.

But the animation isn’t the only thing making this “movie” feel robotic–the voice acting is incredibly stiff and bizarre, with constant awkward pauses, even between lines from the same character. And did I mention the movie looks like shit? Because the movie looks like shit.

This is, in many ways, amusingly terrible–at one point, Santa Claus gets shrunk and meets a beetle, who sings a song about how she only has 21 days to live (twice!). But it’s also very tedious to sit through, especially since the story wraps up at around the 30 minute mark and then sends all of the characters to a Christmas party. This results in the most uncomfortable caroling ever, followed by a pointless recap of the events of the first special. So, there’s really no need to seek that one out before you watch this, because they got you covered.

I dare you to watch this all the way through. I DARE YOU! Have a merry night, Avocados!