Nothing Can Protect You From the Live-Action Sugar Bear Night Thread

Chances are you’re familiar with Sugar Bear, the mascot for Super Golden Crisp cereal. The character went through quite an evolution over the decades, but what he’s become known for is being a cool, laid-back guy who solves all of his problems by eating his cereal, which is apparently so nutritious it gives him the power to punch his way out of any situation.

I was going to make this night thread about a strange phase he went through in which he would basically transform into The Incredible Hulk and beat his enemies to a pulp because they dared to steal his cereal, but as I was doing research for that, I found an even weirder commercial from the 1970s….done in live-action.

The police didn’t bother to investigate the murder of Shaggy Dan, since Sugar Bear is above the law.

If you think that this ad was pure nightmare fuel, well guess would? You would be right! Live-action Sugar Bear shifts his eyes and moves his mouth in a way that’s just creepy, and his head is so fucking enormous that I’m fully convinced that cereal alone isn’t enough to satisfy his appetite (look out, kids!). There’s also a “bad guy” simply known as “Shaggy Dan” who of course tries to swipe Sugar Bear’s cereal box, because hey, if you’re going to commit a crime, it may as well be over something of no real cash value.

This is also back when the cereal was called Super SUGAR Crisp, which was at least more upfront about what it was you were having for breakfast. Another “gimmick” here seems to be trying to sell that Super Sugar Crisp is so crunchy that you can hear it from a mile away. If I want cereal that talks to me, I’ll stick with Kellogg’s Rice Krispies, thank you very much!

The last thing you see before you die.

As far as I can tell, this is the only one of these live-action commercials ever made. But I could be wrong. The 70s were a long time ago, and some of these ads may have been lost to time by now. As an aside, my favorite comment on YouTube for this thing is “Sid and Marty Kroft on Shrooms anyone?” Like, I mean, I’m pretty sure Sid and Marty Kroft were always on shrooms.

Have a SUGARY night, y’all!