A Cynical Tom Lehrer Christmas Carol Night Thread

For those who don’t know, Tom Lehrer was a cutting-edge satirist and musician of the 1960s before shunning the spotlight in favor of relative seclusion. In his short career, he wrote thirty-seven songs, and all of them are essential. This one is called, simply enough, “A Christmas Carol,” and reflects his disillusionment with the commercialization of the holiday.

Christmas time is here, by golly
Disapproval would be folly
Deck the halls with hunks of holly
Fill the cup and don’t say “when.”

Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens
Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens
Even though the prospect sickens
Brother, here we go again.

On Christmas day you can’t get sore
Your fellow man you must adore
There’s time to rob him all the more
The other three hundred and sixty-four.

Relations, sparing no expense’ll
Send some useless old utensil
Or a matching pen and pencil
“Just the thing I need! … How nice.”

It doesn’t matter how sincere it
Is, nor how heartfelt the spirit
Sentiment will not endear it
What’s important is the price.

Hark the herald tribune sings
Advertising wondrous things.

God rest ye merry, merchants
May ye make the yuletide pay!

Angels we have heard on high
Tell us to go out and buy.

So let the raucous sleigh bells jingle
Hail our dear old friend Kris Kringle
Driving his reindeer across the sky
Don’t stand underneath when they fly by.