Welcome to Guy Talk, a serious space to discuss masculinity, good and bad.

This week’s discussion prompt is “disability”, after I saw this excellent video at the end of October:

The man in the bath is Daniel Goodman, who was born with Cerebral Palsy. He is talking to Nicolle Hodges, author and sexual freedom philosopher.

The video covers a lot of topics, including the use of psychedelics and the shame Goodman used to feel for not being athletic. The stand-out quote to me though is this:

There are ways in which toxic masculinity isn’t just about men. There are ways in which it’s upheld by women too, systemically, in terms of playing by certain rules and unconscious programming that’s all about competition and dominance and consumption.

I think the toxic masculinity that we’re coming to define is heavily based on trauma and entitlement. If you live in a boy’s world and you’re never told no, then the first time someone says that to you, it’s like your whole world is undone.

(I also love the unusual framing of this video – how often do we see a man in a bath, naked and vulnerable, while a woman sits above him, fully clothed and in a position of authority?)

So, disability. Feel free to share your experience of disability (and illness) and how it affected you or your idea of masculinity.

Remember that this is a trans-inclusive space, and that everyone is welcome to comment.

The next Guy Talk will be published on 22nd November.