Werewolves 125: A Sequence of Regrettable Occurrences Day 4

“Things were really difficult after I had to leave Juniper,” Sucralouise tells you while dumping a 50 lb. bag of confectioner’s sugar into a hopper that connects to God knows what, “but I thought to myself, ‘Sucralouise, girl, you know what everyone likes? Ca-‘” REPLACE

“Juniper Perkins?” asks Is Twite, meekly. “The astronomer?”

Sucralouise accidentally drops the now-empty burlap sack into the hopper. There’s a grinding sound. “You know her?”

“NO,” you all say.

“I read about her in the, er, Post?” adds Is, testing the lie on for size.

“Oh, goodness, that’s a relief,” says Sucralouise. “I’m afraid she’s obsessed to the point of derangement with some kind of danger from space. What could possibly be dangerous in space?”

You all inwardly reflect on every movie you ever saw set in space.

“Oi’m sure that’s fine,” says David Copperfield mollifyingly. “Didjer say you name was ‘Sucralouise’ even before the divorce?”

“Yes, actually,” says Sucralouise, who is now trying to fish the bag back out of the hopper. Warning lights come on. “You see, my great-great-great-grandfather was a duke in what was then the Austro-Hungarian Empire, and-“

By the end of the day, your skin is covered in sprinkles and your saliva tastes like flat soda. This is like being trapped in a delicious coal mine. You’re happy to retire to a back room and sleep on 30 gallon bags filled with candy hearts. ALL

“‘I Wuv U,'” says Penelope Pumberly, reading tiredly through the clear bag she’s lying face-down on. “‘Smile!’ ‘Ur Cute’ ‘Fear Not, Orphans.’ Wait, wh-?”

“LIGHTS OUT,” yells Sucralouise from the doorway, and she throws a lever on the breaker box.

The rumble of the candy machinery is quite loud, but you more or less tune it out for sleep.

Halfway through the night, there’s a shhk as someone’s throat is cut. Seto Kaiba falls off his bag of candy.

“Time to d-d-d-d-die,” he croaks.

Seto Kaiba (Sic Humor) has gone to a farm upstate, where he’s just fine, really, despite what you just read. He was a GENERIC ORPHAN (Vanilla Town).

A few moments later, there’s an extended scuffle with what sounds like a lot of people, but when the sun comes up, everybody else is still fine.

“Oh dear,” says Sucralouise when she walks in and sees the blood on the floor. “Still, I’ve seen worse. Chin up, that’s what I always say. Why don’t you come downstairs and I’ll show you how to make simple syrup?”

You end up having to call the Orphan Hotline yourselves. You call OSHA and the FDA while you’re at it.

It’s hard to press through the feeling of numbness that accompanies feeling unloved. Surely, you think, I could be myself, if there were just people who wanted to meet that person. But you don’t have to sit around waiting for their approval. If you dig deep, you can be yourselves right now. But wonder, if you will, how much of yourself you can to express at any given time. PARTS

As I watch you now, being led into Ursula’s minivan, I sigh, fogging the eyepiece of my high-power telescope.

There’s always more to every story than meets the eye.

“I think we need to get away from the city for a bit,” says Ursula, as you head out up the coast. “Maybe rural living will do you some good.”

Penelope Pumberly perks her posture. “A farm?! Will we get to see our friends?”

“Er, no,” says Ursula, uncomfortably. “More rural than that.”

Those of you who think to look out the rear window see that you’re being followed by a white moving van. You want to say something to Ursula, but when she pulls off onto a dirt spur road, the van keeps going. You head up a low, rocky cliff to a lighthouse overlooking the stormy sea. Two men are working in the yard, one young, one old.

“Welcome to the Liminal Lighthouse,” says Ursula, putting the minivan in park. The older of the two men walks over as she gets out.

“WELCOME,” he cries, “to th’ Liminal Lighthouse.” He is a strange and ragged-looking personage, with a meerschaum pipe clamped upside down between his teeth. WITH

“Er, thank you,” says Ursula, uncomfortably.

“Wait,” says the younger man, who is in the middle of hanging clothes on a line. The article in his hands is a pair of red booty shorts that say ENEMY OF THE STATE. “Ah these the orphans? I thought we wasn’t s’posed to have orphans fer a fortnight.”

“It’s been a fortnight!” says the older man, and you get the sense there’s some underlying drama that’s just been resurrected.

“No, actually,” says Ursula, “I only called an hour ago.”

“AND WHO BE YE TO CORRECT ME?” says the older man, spinning around and snatching the booty shorts from his counterpart in one fluid motion.

“I’m Ursula,” says Ursula. “We spoke on the phone?”

“Don’t have a phone.”

“…About the orphans?”

“Oh! The orphans! Do bring them in. I’ll get started on supper.” He stalks off to a tumbledown house connected to the lighthouse by a breezeway, and shakes the shorts at the younger man again. “Last time I be warnin’ ye: Warsh these wit the text on the inside, so it don’t come off.”

“He’s crazy,” says the other man, sullenly hanging a sock. “I’m Winslow.”

You look pleadingly at Ursula.

“Children, I’m sorry, but the next place is a nuclear power plant. If you can last just a little while here, I’m sure I can find you a better forever home.” LONGARM

[spoiler TITLE=Players]

  1. E-Dog, now Raven and Rose
  2. Tobias Morpheus – E-Dog (not a bot) Vanilla Orphan
  3. Mr. I’m My Own Grandpa – Batman
  4. Side Character – Ice Bear
  5. Mayelbridwen – Is Twite
  6. Sister Jude the Obscure
  7. Hohopossum – Gary, trash aficionado
  8. ThoughtsThoughtsThoughts – Euphemia Whimsy
  9. Colonel Mustard
  10. Malthusc – Maggie Price, Gourmet DetectiveWolf, Lover
  11. Nate the Lesser – Frodo BagginsVanilla Orphan, Lover
  12. Louie Blue – RomulusVanilla Orphan
  13. Cop, now Wasp
  14. DW – Hayao Miyazaki
  15. Lord Stoneheart – Protagonist of Final Fantasy III
  16. The Hayes Code – Penelope Pumberly
  17. Lamb Dance – David Copperfield
  18. InnDEEEEED – Dr. Jan Itor Vanilla Orphan
  19. Lindsay – Little Lord Wolfington
  20. Josephus – The Good Son
  21. Donalbain Vanilla Orphan
  22. April LKD – LEGO BatmanSerial Killer
  23. Sic – Seto Kaiba Vanilla Orphan
  24. Emm (replacing Jake) – Pippi Longstocking Vanilla Orphan


[spoiler TITLE=Roles]

  • 18 Orphans
    • 1 Inventor (Special role – see below)
    • 1 Bibliophile (Investigator)
    • 15 Generic Orphans (Vanilla Town)
    • 1 Premium Orphan (Functionally identical to Vanilla Town, but somehow intrinsically better than the rest of you)
  • 1 Adult Carmelita Spats, Orphan Hater (Serial Killer)
  • 5 Rogue VFD Agents (Wolves)
    • 1 Rogue VFD Roleblocker
    • 4 Generic Rogue VFD Agents

The Inventor crafts single-shot powers each night in their QT. They can only make one a night, and will have the following list to choose from:

  • 1 vigilante kill
  • 2 doctor protections (prevents incoming damage)
  • 1 jailer protection (prevents incoming damage AND night actions, if any)
  • 2 roleblocks
  • 1 investigation (will reveal both alignment and role)

Each night, the Inventor will announce their intended power (i.e., vigilante) and, using only materials that could plausibly be found in the day’s setting (i.e., a carnival midway) they will attempt to invent something that could do the job (i.e., “I will spin this cotton candy into a rope and strangle [other player] with it.”)

The arbiter of success in this matter will be Owenthrop J. Studepackard, Arch-Director of Recursive Arbitration. The Inventor will get up to three chances per night to make the desired item type. If Mr. Studepackard finds all three attempts too unlikely to succeed (or using ingredients unlikely to be available in your current location), the Inventor fails for the night, and they lose their chance to craft that particular power. (Note: For powers that can be crafted twice, this only eliminates one, not both).

Inventions must be used the night they are crafted. They cannot be given away or held back. The Inventor can use the items they craft on themselves, if they wish.

The Bibliophile works as an investigator, using the things they learn in books to assess other people’s intentions. Each night, the Bibliophile can target one person for study. If the investigation isn’t blocked, the Bibliophile will learn the target’s alignment.

On first investigation, targets will either come up GOOD (Orphans) or BAD (VFD agents and Carmelita Spats). If the Bibliophile wishes to investigate that person again, they will also learn the target’s role (or lack thereof).

The Premium Orphan has no special powers, but is slightly more pleasant to look at and talk to than the rest of you are.


[spoiler TITLE=”Rules and Mechanics”]

  • Win conditions:
    • The wolves win when they are equal to the number of town-aligned players left (if the SK is dead), or outnumber the non-wolf players (even if the SK is still alive).
    • Town wins when all the wolves and the serial killer are defeated.
    • The serial killer wins when it comes down to just them and one other person.
    • A three-way standoff between the last town, last wolf and SK will result in a special ending.
  • Night actions:
    • Rough order of operations: Roleblocks, then misc. actions, then kills.
    • Investigations: Orphans come back GOOD, VFD agents and Carmelita Spats come back BAD.
    • The medic cannot medic themselves or the same person two nights running.
  • Voting:
    • You have the option to vote “No Kill” (or words to that effect). If that option prevails, no one dies at the end of the day.
    • A majority vote for one player (or No Kill) will end the day early.
    • A tied vote at twilight will result in no one dying, unless Owen and Spooky decide they want to do the RNG thing instead. Try it and find out!
  • If you maintain a game-related outside resource (like a spreadsheet or an in-character Tumblr), stop updating it after you’re dead.
  • No editing posts.
  • No quoting or screencapping from your QTs.
  • If you have any other questions about rules, please ask in QT, and we will answer publicly here.

Cryptography, Codes and Puzzles: Each day, Robin WILL place a secret message somewhere in the header. If you feel up to the challenge, decipher it and post in the answer in your QT. Winners will be chosen randomly from those who answer correctly. Those who share QTs are allowed to work on the puzzles together, but must submit the solutions in their private QTs in order to qualify.

Only post the answer in your QT; do not make the solution public. If you post the answer publicly, you will be disqualified from that day’s puzzle and for two subsequent days. It is acceptable to reveal the answer on any subsequent day, however. Not after twilight on the day of the puzzle, the next day. Posting the answer after twilight will result in the ban described above.

There will usually – but not always – be one winner for each puzzle. Prizes include night actions such as, but not limited to, the power of life and death. None of the prizes will contain an eavesdropping power, however, and none will impair a player’s ability to communicate.

And remember: Have fun!


Twilight will be Thursday, June 25, at 12:00 PM EST. Stay cool.