Dating, Relationships, and Sex: Societal Pressures (04/08/2020)

A few weeks ago, I was hanging out with my brother’s GF and him over at their place. Out of the blue, she suddenly dropped this one on me:

What is your opinion on women and high heels?

My brother suddenly started grinning and adjusted his seating position in anticipation of a rather dumbfounded Dropwing. Which, as sibling traditions go, is of course a source of great amusement.

Uncertain why exactly she asked me that question and what sort of answer she was looking for, we started talking in an effort to narrow down the issue. Essentially, she had presumed that almost all men find a woman wearing high heels more attractive than the same woman not wearing them (context: she tells me she almost never wears them these days, though still has a bunch from when she was younger and wore them more often). So she was somewhat surprised to hear my brother tell her they don’t really do anything for him, positive or negative.

Which then got us to talking about the larger societal and partnerly pressures on people when it comes to fashion and styling and grooming and all that. So, prompt-related things for this week! Note that I’m not necessarily just talking about long-term relationships here, even if the tone/context might kind of imply that.

  • Any standards/expectations you’re particularly fed up with?
  • Any where you’re actually glad they exist?
  • Is this a topic you address at some point in a relationship (long or short term), or do you just do your thing (and expect your partner to do theirs) and the other party/parties can deal?
  • Do you ever cater to your partner’s preferences when it comes to these things? Or do you really just do them for you, and whether or not they like/dislike them is incidental?
  • If you do something for them, what are your thoughts on quid pro quo? Same if they do something for you!
  • How would you deal with a partner’s drastic change in any of these? Or have dealt, if it’s happened to you already?
  • I should probably stop with the silly questions, shouldn’t I?

Lastly, as usual: This is supposed to be a space to talk about intimacy and sex and relationships in safety, so don’t shame people for their kinks. But please also refrain from objectification and similarly problematic things. People are supposed to feel safe and comfortable here.

Have fun!