Here’s another episode I was looking forward to, not because I think it’s especially great or bad, but because it was one of the ones I found nearly unbearable to watch as a child. One of the many ways I identified with Lisa was in her inherent sense of responsibility that extended into a general trustworthiness; something I intuitively understood was that rules are usually there for a reason (with time, I’d come to learn that you have to pick and choose who be trustworthy with, and that sometimes the rules are bullshit, but that’s outside the scope of this essay), so to me, kids like Bart that rebelled against every form of authority imposed on them ranged from baffling to stupid to cruel. Watching it now is interesting, because the experience is pretty much as unbearable as it was when I was nine, but processing it through an essay has made me swing around to really liking it. We generally see Bart’s antiauthoritarianism through his own eyes, and even when he’s not defying an unjust system that was never made for him and even when we don’t also see the blowback against people we care about like Marge or Skinner, he’s doing something that’s really funny. This episode has him engage in pranks that just barely sit above “I know you are, but what am I?” for no reason beyond pride and cruelty. I think back to my school years, and that’s exactly what it was like at least half the time. I’m mainly thinking of high school here, but there were times, especially the first few years, where I felt like I was trapped in a cage with animals. For sure, the Tasmanian high school system was no better than Springfield Elementary and I knew even then that some of the rebellion was in response to an unworking system, but there were days when I wanted these kids to just shut the fuck up and sit down, and this episode captures that feeling perfectly. If you were a Bart, there were definitely days where you were just being an asshole.

Thinking further, Bart’s behaviour here reminds me of a small but loud group of people whose response to the COVID-19 crisis and mass quarantines is “you can’t tell me what to do”. My first thought is that this speaks to the show hitting universal ideas; feeding a baby coffee and disobeying a quarantine are very different behaviours but both come from an outrage at doing something that wasn’t your idea. There’s also the fact that Bart’s reaction to Lisa’s success even before she babysits him is envy and confusion over something he genuinely can’t understand; it really comes together to paint Bart as totally lacking both empathy and an ability to consider anything outside his immediate interests and desires, which feels like quite a human (jackass) thing to do. This is the upshot of the show’s loose continuity and rich characterisation coming together; Bart is an idea of a person who can shift in meaning from episode to episode while still having a core identity that holds him together (contrast Family Guy, which is even more flexible in meaning but throws out characterisation when it gets in the way of a gag).

But of course, I can’t get past the fact that this is almost physically painful to watch. I just can’t get past the fact that the whole thing is completely stacked against Lisa, with her suffering indignity upon indignity and her actions don’t feel nearly wrong enough to justify it, but the fact that all her misery comes at Bart’s hands as opposed to, like, a shitty and uncaring universe makes it feel like pointless cruelty. You’d think the ending, in which it turns out she suffers no loss to her reputation, would mitigate that – and I admit, it’s pretty funny that the standards of Springfield’s parents are so low (or rather, their negligent self-interest is so high) that they’d be willing to get a girl that, as far as they know, tried to kill her brother and drown her baby sister to watch their kids, but it makes the whole thing feel even more pointless, like Lisa went through all that cruelty and it wasn’t even necessary for a story. This is the kind of thing that I’d find hilarious if it was from a show with a more cruel and cynical worldview; I don’t tune in to watch Lisa get relentlessly shat on for twenty straight minutes and I expect at least a little more kindness towards these characters (and actually Futurama would be able to get away with shitting on its characters like this). I mean, you could at least have Bart suffer a little worse than getting off scot free!

Chalkboard Gag: N/A
Couch Gag: The couch and TV are on a rocking boat. The family run in, wearing yellow raincoats, and get swept away by a wave.

This episode was written by Dan Greaney and directed by Jim Reardon. The idea of revamping the waterfront came from cities like Baltimore, constantly reworking industrial areas.

Homer feels borderline too stupid for me this episode, but his getting stuck in the fountain still kills (“Don’t laugh at me! I was once like you!”). There’s also some gold standard Flanders in this episode, between him casually playing off his relatives getting taken hostage and his shock at Rod (or Todd? I don’t care) sleeping soundly after a bug attack. Apparently, Krusty doesn’t consider bachelor parties as piddling crap he wouldn’t touch with a ten foot clown pole, which makes complete sense to me. I love the little visual detail of Marge nursing a Jello shot with a spoon. Chief Wiggum is wrong – you walk against traffic. Best plotting trick is having Lisa’s nightmare about Dr Hibbert come true, with one hitch.

The Babysitter Twins is a reference to The Babysitter’s Club. Planet Hype is a reference to Planet Hollywood.

Iconic Moments: 2. “This isn’t faux-dive! This is a dive!” | “Loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix!”
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