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The Razzie nominating ballot is awful again (shock of shocks)

Last year, I went through the Razzie nominating ballot to show you all how it manages to be even worse than the actual nominees and this year didn’t disappoint. As always, all typos are left intact.

Any Two Half-Feline/Half-Human Hairballs / Cats
Jason Derulo & His CGI-Neutered “Bulge” / Cats
Megan Fox & James Franco / Zeroville
Godzilla & Any Flying, Fire-Breathing, Pagoda-Stomping Monster / Godzilla, King of the Monsters
David Harbour & Milla Jovovich / Hellboy (2019)
Anne Hathaway & Matthew McConaughey / Serenity
Tyler Perry & Tyler Perry (or Tyler Perry) A Madea Family Funeral
Sylvester Stallone & His Impotent Rage / Rambo: Last Blood
John Travolta & Any Screenplay He Accepts

Good god, we’re already off to an awful start. Godzilla: King of the Monsters is a goddamn masterpiece of monster destruction, it belongs nowhere near this ballot. I’ve a feeling that no one involved with the creation of this ballot has seen Zeroville and just typed in random nominations for it. And that Travolta nomination is just dumb. Also, how did Sophie Turner & Tye Sheridan miss this category? The love between Jean & Scott was one of the best parts of The Dark Phoenix Saga and Turner & Sheridan’s lack of chemistry in the movie was hilarious.

Jessica Chastain / Dark Phoenix
Cassi Davis / A Madea Family Funeral
Judi Dench / Cats
Lydia Hearst / The Haunting of Sharon Tate
Sasha Lane / Hellboy (2019)
Patrice Lovely / A Madea Family Funeral
Fenessa Pineda / Rambo: Last Blood
Rebel Wilson / Cats

Holy shit, the Razzies actually remembered The Haunting of Sharon Tate. Hellboy was an awful, awful movie but Sasha Lane was good in it. And where the hell is Jennifer Lawrence? She was so hilariously bad in Dark Phoenix, she obviously didn’t care about the film (can’t blame her there). That being said, it pains me to agree with them but Rebel Wilson more than earned her spot here.

Godzilla, King of the Monsters
The Goldfinch
The Haunting of Sharon Tate
Hellboy (2019)
The Kitchen
Lucy in the Sky
A Madea Family Funeral
Rambo: Last Blood

Godzilla: King of the Monsters makes this category but Dark Phoenix skates by. One of the biggest and most embarrassing flops of the year, with some of the worst writing of the year, doesn’t make this category. And Serenity isn’t here either! The idiotic script with its amazingly awful twists are the sole reason people remember this movie. Christ.

Angel Has Fallen
Dark Phoenix
Godzilla, King of the Monsters
Hellboy (2019)
A Madea Family Funeral
Rambo: Last Blood

The Lion King was the most pointless remake in years and yet it skates by while the Razzies’ Godzilla hateboner continues. Ugh. Also, this is the last time Dark Phoenix appears on this ballot.

Kyle Chandler / Godzilla, King of the Monsters
James Corden / Cats
Charles Dance / Godzilla, King of the Monsters
Oscar Jaenada / Rambo: Last Blood
Michael Madsen / Trading Paint
Sergio Peris-Mencheta / Rambo: Last Blood
Tyler Perry / A Madea Family Funeral (as “Joe”)
Tyler Perry / A Madea Family Funeral (as “Uncle Heathrow”)
Seth Rogen / Zeroville
Bruce Willis / Glass

Fuck off Razzies, Chandler and Dance were good. When Peter Sellers was nominated for Dr. Strangelove, we was just nominated for Best Actor for all his characters. The Razzies should follow suit and just nominate Tyler Perry for Worst Actor. Bruce Willis was hilariously awful in Glass but he’s clearly a lead. I have no idea why he’s shunted off to the supporting category. And don’t front Razzies, we all know no one has seen Trading Paint.

Andrea Berloff / The Kitchen
Michael Dougherty / Godzilla, King of the Monsters
Fred Durst / The Fanatic
Daniel Farrands / The Haunting of Sharon Tate
James Franco / Zeroville
Adrian Grunberg / Rambo: Last Blood
Noah Hawley / Lucy in the Sky
Tom Hooper / Cats
Neil Marshall / Hellboy
M. Night Shyamalan / Glass

Where. Is. Kinberg? Simon Kinberg’s direction for Dark Phoenix was abysmal (far worse then Berloff and Grunberg’s and way worse than Dougherty who shouldn’t even be here) and he just skates by. Why? That being said, Tom Hooper is probably going to win so I can’t be too angry.

Hilary Duff / The Haunting of Sharon Tate
Megan Fox / Zeroville
Anne Hathaway / The Hustle & Serenity
Francesca Hayward / Cats
Milla Jovovich / Hellboy (2019)
Demi Moore / Corporate Animals
Tyler Perry (As Medea) A Madea Family Funeral
Rebel Wilson / The Hustle

What the hell is Corporate Animals? I have a feeling the Razzies never saw it (I know, this is surprising) but just saw Demi Moore’s name and saw an excuse to pick on her. Milla Jovovich has given some bad performances in the past but she was actually good in Hellboy. Cats obviously deserves many nominations but going after a first-time actress seems mean… so about right for the Razzies.

Gerard Butler / Angel Has Fallen
James Franco / Zeroville
David Harbour / Hellboy (2019)
James McAvoy / Glass
Matthew McConaughey / Serenity
Keanu Reeves / Replicas
Sylvester Stallone / Rambo: Last Blood
John Travolta / The Fanatic & Trading Paint

James McAvoy gave one of the most bored performances this year… in Dark Phoenix. As much as I disliked Glass, McAvoy was one of the few things I liked about. He played every one of the alter egos perfectly and it feels bizarre they’re singling him out for this and not his zombie turn in Dark Phoenix. And David Harbour was great in Hellboy. He shouldn’t be blamed for the movie being pants. Though, I do feel grateful that McConaughey wasn’t nominated for The Beach Bum as well as he’s just wonderful in that.

The Fanatic
Godzilla, King of the Monsters
The Haunting of Sharon Tate
Hellboy (2019)
A Madea Family Funeral
Rambo: Last Blood

Fuck you Razzies, Godzilla was great, Dark Phoenix should be here. I have to leave for work in ten minutes and I feel that that will be more entertaining than reading through this ballot.