Two burly robots carry a garishly-dressed man and the upholstered chair he’s sitting in to the stage. The robots set the chair down carefully, hand the man a guitar, then lower the microphone to his mouth.
“Hey. I’m Hotblack Desiato, former lead singer of Disaster Area, the plutonium rock band from the Gagrakacka Mind Zones. Not only were we the loudest rock band in the Galaxy, but in fact the loudest noise of any kind at all.
Disaster Area broke up after most worlds banned us because our public address system contravened local strategic arms limitations treaties. After I spent a year dead for tax reasons, I decided to go solo.
This first song is called, ‘I Am Incredibly Wealthy So I Can Afford To Go Acoustic.'”
Across the room, Mr. Tyzik raised his thumb and forefinger an inch from his eye, squaring Hotblack Desiato in his vision.
“Don’t worry, guitar man. I’m only crushing your head! Your music is pretentious drivel! I crush you!”
He sat back, thoroughly satisfied by a successful head crushing. Of course, being a pan-dimensional hyper-intelligent creature, he could squeeze Desiato’s brain for real if he chose to. But these idiots at the table with him weren’t worth the effort. None of them had even noticed he was actually a mouse, maybe they didn’t even have brains to squeeze. He smugly stroked at his whiskers.
“I have eaten
that were in
you were probably
AND SO HELP ME I WILL SMELCH YOUR SCHNIZZMENT IF YOU SAY ONE WORD ABOUT IT…”
It was as if the dreadful poetry had appeared in his own mind. Alas, before he could find the source and give it a proper head-crushing, his own brain imploded.
APRIL has died. He was Benjy Mouse (Diner/Town).
Though she sat nearby, the ruby crystal did not see this happen. Her eyes were shut in bliss as she listened to the Vogon poetry. As always, it made the gemstone in her left palm flare with heat, bathing her with glorious warmth.
“Oh Sapphire,” she whispered to herself, “I wish you were here to share this glorious prose with me. Besides you, Vogon poetry is the most beautiful –”
Her reverie was cut short by a piercing agony. She reached up to her neck to find that someone had shoved a salad fork into it.
“Schnizzment,” she said before shattering into a million ruby shards.
LINDSAY has died. She was the Vogon Poetry Lover (Recruited Vogon/Wolf).
“Ugh, where is the food?” Ram Sockwell said. He threw his napkin down on the table and stood up.
“I am not a respected character actor, I don’t deserve to be treated like this! If I had won an Academy Award, a Golden Globe, and a Screen Actor’s Guild award for my performance in Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, which I didn’t because I wasn’t in that movie, this would be an outrage!”
As Sockwell stormed off towards the restrooms, he was stopped by a stout, hairy alien. “Hey,” the alien said, “aren’t you that guy from Galaxy Trucker?”
“Galaxy Quest,” Sockwell says. “And that movie was 20 years ago, why is it all people remember? Also, no I’m not.”
He brushed the alien aside and headed off into the darkness. Where the hell is the bathroom? he wondered. Do they even have toilets humans can use?
Sockwell felt a tap on his shoulder. He spun around in a rage and yelled, “I AM NOT –”
InDEEED has died. He was a Vanilla Diner (Town).
(He was miscast as Zaphod Beeblebrox in the 2005 movie adaptation of Hitchhiker’s, but that doesn’t mean he deserved this.)
16 Diners (Town)
Diners win the game when all Vogons and Independent roles are dead before the Universe ends.
12 Vanilla Diners have no night actions.
Several players have secret passive powers, though they are still considered Vanilla Diners:
- Boghog: The meat of a Boghog is completely inedible, so they cannot be eaten by the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal. (The Boghog can die from any other means, such as day-kill or Vogon kill.)
- Perfectly Normal Beast: The meat of a Perfectly Normal Beast is extra delicious. If this player is eaten by the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal, it counts as two kills towards the Beast’s total needed to win the game.
- Agrajag: Has an optional one-shot kill that is only activated when Agrajag dies.
- Garkbit: Each day, Garkbit (the Head Waiter at Milliways) chooses a special rule from a menu. This rule is revealed to all players at some point during the day, and only applies to that day. Since this is a day action, Garkbit’s power cannot be blocked or detected by Zaphod Beeblebrox. If killed, another Diner will be randomly selected as the new Garkbit.
Blagulon Kappan (Investigator): A methane-breathing life form that can investigate the alignment of one player per night. Possible results are “Diner” or “Vogon”.
- The Vogon Poetry Lover reads as “Diner” until they are recruited, then they read as “Vogon”.
- The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal, Max Quordlepleen, and Zarniwoop read as “Diner”.
Colin (Jailer): A small, round, melon-sized, flying security robot that can put a target player in jail for the night, protecting and blocking them. Cannot choose the same player two nights in a row and cannot choose themselves.
Benjy Mouse: As a night action, may send a message to another player. Twice during the game, Benjy can choose to squeeze the recipient’s brain to make the message lethal.
Zaphod Beeblebrox: Two players that share a private QT. Each night, Zaphod chooses a player to watch and see if they perform a night action (but not what the night action does). A jailed or blocked player does not detect as having a night action. If one Zaphod player dies, the other survives, but they lose this power and the dead Zaphod player has a choice of continuing to chat in their private QT or going to the graveyard.
3 Vogons (Wolves)
Vogons win the game when the number of Vogon players equals the number of Diner players and the Independent roles are dead before the Universe ends.
Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz: Performs all Vogon kills through reciting poetry as a night action. If Jeltz is jailed, the Vogon kill is blocked for that night. If Jeltz dies, his night action moves to Vrunt, then Kwaltz, and so on.
Vrunt the Naysayer: Vanilla Vogon. Kwaltz: Vogon Investigator. The Vogon Poetry Lover is the only player that will return a positive investigation result.
Zarniwoop: Reads as Diner when investigated.
Constant Mown: Vogon role-blocker.
Vogon Poetry Lover: Recruited Vogon. If this player is targeted by the Vogons to be killed, they survive and are recruited as a Vogon instead.
2 Independent Roles
Max Quordlepleen: Max can choose to protect a player from death as a night action. Can protect themselves twice during the game. Cannot choose the same player two nights in a row. Max wins the game alone if he is still alive when the Universe ends.
Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal: Serial killer. Wins the game once they eat 6 players.
No quoting or screencapping from QTs. Do not ask other players about their QTs in an attempt to figure out what role they have.
You cannot edit any of your posts. The mod will know!
Participation: You must make a minimum of three posts per day to avoid being mod-killed or replaced.
Tiebreaker: If a day ends in a tie vote, no player dies.
AnnaNomally // Lemony Snicket
Captain Oblivious // Zapp Brannigan
DW // Weed Ranger
El Marinero // Dish of the Day
Flubba // Eddie the Computer
Grumproro // Lumpy Space Princess
Hayes Code // Lintilla, a Daring Space Archaeologist
Hohopossum // Jud Crandall, ayup
Jake // Prince Herbert
Landstander // Vrickle Bork
Mayelbridwen // Telephone Sanitizer
Mr.ImMyOwnGrandpa // Morbo
MSD // Frog
Nuka-Fanta // Unnamed Goose
Owen // Bowl of Petunias
Ralph // Bobby Bottleservice
Sagittariuskim // Abigail Fitzwilliam Darcy Featherbottom
Sic Humor // Vinsmoke Sanji
Side Character // One-One
Spooky // Infocom Text Adventure (Standard Difficulty)
Wasp // Doctor Who
April // Mr. Tyzik (Benjy Mouse – DINER)
Buttersnap // PowerPoint (Kwaltz – VOGON)
InDEEED // Not Sam Rockwell (Vanilla DINER)
Josephus Brown // Thor (Vrunt the Naysayer – VOGON)
Lindsay // Ruby (Vogon Poetry Lover – VOGON)
Cop on the Edge-ish
Welcome to Milliways! Your table is almost ready.
You are a DINER (Vanilla Town). Please, take a seat and enjoy your sumptuous meal while watching the whole of creation explode around you.
Day Five ends on Saturday, September 28 at 10:00am PST (1:00pm EST), or if a majority vote is reached first.