The hum of conversation diminishes as the lights in Milliways dim and a spotlight appears on the circular stage in the middle of the floor.
A matronly, human-looking woman in a sequined gown steps into the single shaft of light and gracefully lifts the microphone from its stand.
“Well, butter my beans, I am just pleased as a potato pancake to be with all you good folks here at the end of the universe!
I know you were probably expecting Max Quordlepleen as your master of ceremonies, but he is taking a well-deserved leave of absence. I am Y’madgen’tho The Feaster, but y’all can just call me Madge.
I once tried and failed to enslave humanity to work the cookie mines for a million years… oh, but enough about me.
You folks didn’t come here for me, or Max, or our band, fabulous as they are, or even the food. Here’s what you all came for.”
Madge waves a sequined arm, and the roof of Milliways retracts to reveal a glass dome. Beyond, the baleful turmoil of the skies shows what’s left of the universe in its death throes.
“The Universe as we know it has now been in existence for over one hundred and seventy thousand million billion years,” Madge said, “and will be ending in a little over half an –”
The spotlight is suddenly switched off. A single voice echoes through the restaurant in the confusing darkness:
“OH BLAXOR, I GRUPPLE THEE
AND INHALE THY MURGLED PLUMS
AND RANCID DURPLEFLURPS
EXTINGUISH THE FLAKFRIST
AS WE ENGAGE IN…”
Everyone in the restaurant squeezed their eyes shut and tried to cover their auditory inputs. They wailed in agony, the awfulness of the poetry tearing at the essence of their being.
…except for one. To them, the Vogon poetry was truth, was beauty, was the meaning that had eluded them for their entire existence. It was glorious, it was everything they wanted to be. Their mind broke, reassembled, broke again, cleaned some of the little mind bits on the floor, then reassembled with the determination to dedicate their life to this poetry, even if it meant becoming a Vogon.
As the Vogon voice stopped and everyone recovered from its putridness, Madge said, “Well then. My apologies, everyone. Now, the candles are lit, the band plays –”
She was interrupted by a ravenous gurgling in the darkness. Somewhere in the back of the room, unseen by all, something large was chewing, slurping, desperately trying to swallow its prey. But after a few moments, everyone heard the sound of spitting, followed by a swampy voice: “Bllllllarrrrcchhh! Boghog taak poo-poo! No eat Boghog!”
By the time the diners turned to see what was happening, the creature had fled into the unseen darkness. Madge cleared her throat.
“So, where was I?” Madge said, “ah yes. The candles are lit, the band plays softly, and as the force-shielded dome above us fades into transparency, revealing a dark and sullen sky hung heavy with the ancient light of livid swollen stars, I can see we’re all in for a fabulous evening’s apocalypse!”
“For those of you who ever hoped to see the light at the end of the tunnel,” Madge said, “this is it.”
18 Diners (Town)
Diners win the game when all Vogons and Independent roles are dead before the Universe ends.
13 Vanilla Diners have no night actions.
Several players have secret passive powers, though they are still considered Vanilla Diners:
- Boghog: The meat of a Boghog is completely inedible, so they cannot be eaten by the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal. (The Boghog can die from any other means, such as day-kill or Vogon kill.)
- Perfectly Normal Beast: The meat of a Perfectly Normal Beast is extra delicious. If this player is eaten by the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal, it counts as two kills towards the Beast’s total needed to win the game.
- Agrajag: Has an optional one-shot kill that is only activated when Agrajag dies.
- Garkbit: Each day, Garkbit (the Head Waiter at Milliways) chooses a special rule from a menu. This rule is revealed to all players at some point during the day, and only applies to that day. Since this is a day action, Garkbit’s power cannot be blocked or detected by Zaphod Beeblebrox. If killed, another Diner will be randomly selected as the new Garkbit.
Blagulon Kappan (Investigator): A methane-breathing life form that can investigate the alignment of one player per night. Possible results are “Diner” or “Vogon”.
- The Vogon Poetry Lover reads as “Diner” until they are recruited, then they read as “Vogon”.
- The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal, Max Quordlepleen, and Zarniwoop read as “Diner”.
Colin (Jailer): A small, round, melon-sized, flying security robot that can put a target player in jail for the night, protecting and blocking them. Cannot choose the same player two nights in a row and cannot choose themselves.
Benjy Mouse: As a night action, may send a message to another player. Twice during the game, Benjy can choose to squeeze the recipient’s brain to make the message lethal.
Zaphod Beeblebrox: Two players that share a private QT. Each night, Zaphod chooses a player to watch and see if they perform a night action (but not what the night action does). A jailed or blocked player does not detect as having a night action. If one Zaphod player dies, the other survives, but they lose this power and the dead Zaphod player has a choice of continuing to chat in their private QT or going to the graveyard.
5 Vogons (Wolves)
Vogons win the game when the number of Vogon players equals the number of Diner players and the Independent roles are dead before the Universe ends.
Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz: Performs all Vogon kills through reciting poetry as a night action. If Jeltz is jailed, the Vogon kill is blocked for that night. If Jeltz dies, his night action moves to Vrunt, then Kwaltz, and so on.
Vrunt the Naysayer: Vanilla Vogon.
Kwaltz: Vogon Investigator. The Vogon Poetry Lover is the only player that will return a positive investigation result.
Zarniwoop: Reads as Diner when investigated.
Constant Mown: Vogon role-blocker.
Vogon Poetry Lover: Recruited Vogon.
If this player is targeted by the Vogons to be killed, they survive and are recruited as a Vogon instead.
2 Independent Roles
Max Quordlepleen: Max can choose to protect a player from death as a night action. Can protect themselves twice during the game. Cannot choose the same player two nights in a row. Max wins the game alone if he is still alive when the Universe ends.
Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal: Serial killer. Wins the game once they eat 6 players.
No quoting or screencapping from QTs. Do not ask other players about their QTs in an attempt to figure out what role they have.
You cannot edit any of your posts. The mod will know!
Participation: You must make a minimum of three posts per day to avoid being mod-killed or replaced.
Tiebreaker: If a day ends in a tie vote, no player dies.
AnnaNomally // Lemony Snicket
April // Mr. Tyzik
Buttersnap // PowerPoint
Captain Oblivious // Zapp Brannigan
DW // Weed Ranger
El Marinero // Dish of the Day
Flubba // Eddie the Computer
Grumproro // Lumpy Space Princess
Hayes Code // Lintilla, a Daring Space Archaeologist
Hohopossum // Jud Crandall, ayup
InDEEED // Not Sam Rockwell
Jake // Prince Herbert
Landstander // Vrickle Bork
Lindsay // Ruby
Mayelbridwen // Telephone Sanitizer
Mr.ImMyOwnGrandpa // Morbo
MSD // Frog
Nuka-Fanta // Unnamed Goose
Owen // Bowl of Petunias
Ralph // Bobby Bottleservice
Sagittariuskim // Abigail Fitzwilliam Darcy Featherbottom
Sic Humor // Vinsmoke Sanji
Side Character // One-One
Spooky // Infocom Text Adventure (Standard Difficulty)
Wasp // Doctor Who
Josephus Brown // Thor (Vrunt the Naysayer – VOGON)
Cop on the Edge-ish
Welcome to Milliways! Your table is almost ready.
You are a DINER (Vanilla Town). Please, take a seat and enjoy your sumptuous meal while watching the whole of creation explode around you.
Day Six ends on Thursday, September 26 at 12:00noon PST (3:00PM EST), or if a majority vote is reached first.