As the remaining contestants trudged back to camp, feeling a bit bad about murdering an iconic primatologist, Jay slipped on a patch of wet leaves and nearly fell, only to be caught by Joe, who smiled beatifically. “Thank you Man Bun,” said Jay, a bit breathless. Joe nodded serenely.
As the group neared camp, though, Jay started to feel more and more paranoid. Maybe these people weren’t his bros after all. Maybe they were decidedly not chill. Seeing some whispers and dark looks cast in his direction, Jay took off running, calling over his shoulder, “You guys can have my skimboard!”
Jay jumped over obstacles with ease, grinning, but then he tripped over a vine tied between two trees and plunged into a sinkhole. “OOK!” said Peanut, holding one end of the vine. “Ook OOK OOK ook!” “Aw man, you got me,” said Jay, still smiling as he sunk into the quicksand, dragged down by the weight of all the carefully-crafted fake idols in his backpack. Soon, only his hand appeared above the morass, flashing a hang-ten sign, before, finally, that too disappeared beneath the quagmire.
spookyfriend / Jay Starrett is dead.
Meanwhile, Kim Spradlin and Lil Morris decided to go swimming, just the two of them. They’d formed a tight bond over the course of their time on *mumbles* Island and knew they’d be best friends for the rest of their lives. ♫“We are the two best friends that anyone could have!”♫, they sang. ♫“Best friends until the very END.”♫
Sadly, this turned out to be true, as they were first pelted with coconuts until dead and then rolled off a cliff into the ocean, where their corpses sunk into the depths, still smiling and holding hands.
Grumproro / Kim Spradlin is dead.
Ralph Wiggum / Lillian Morris is dead.
That night, Jeff Probst paid the remaining seven Survivors a surprise visit. Everyone was very excited to see him.
“Thank you for stepping up to the challenge of killing your friends,” he said, smirking. “For a minute there I was worried you would just start a book club or something. As it was though, you were just like ‘pow pow pow’ until there were only seven left.”
“Given the new state of things,” he continued, “It only seems right that there be some new rules. Survivors, are you ready?”
New Rules for Day 4 and Beyond
From now on, there will be two challenges per day, an Immunity Challenge and a Reward Challenge. The winner of the Immunity Challenge will earn individual immunity for either the day or night of their win; they will have to declare whether they choose day or night immunity upon winning the amulet. The winner of the Reward Challenge will earn a night kill for that night. There will be no other night actions. Once the game is down to three players, the Final Jury will decide who earns the title of Soul Survivor.
Players are still held to three maximum QTs.
- Captain Video / Aria Speedwagon
Mayelbridwen / Sandra Diaz-Twine
- Goat / Space Pirate Rupert Boneham
- Sister Jude / Sue Hawk
Lindsay / McGruff the Crime Dog
- dw / Joe Anglim
InnDE / Jonny Fairplay
- Hayes / Izzy, aka E-Scope, aka Brainzilla
April / Jeff Kent The Wasp / Jane Goodall (and Peanut) Owen / Reba Hart Louie / John(nie) Cochran(e) Grumproro / Kim Spradlin subsaharan
- Lamb Dance / Ghost
ThoughtsThoughtsThoughts / Stephenie LaGrossa
- MacCrocodile / Professor Jake, from Tennessee
Ralph / Lillian Morris spooky / Jay Starrett Mr. Glitch / Glytch Grylls
Survivor History Corner
In what is known in some circles as the dumbest move in Survivor history, in season 16, Survivor: Micronesia, Erik gave his individual immunity necklace to Natalie so she would be safe from elimination at Tribal Council. His kindhearted gesture was rewarded, not surprisingly, with being voted out at that same Tribal Council, to place fifth overall.
The Black Widow alliance played Erik here from start to finish. Tempting him with the thought of “redemption” and promising him some favorable votes down the line, they got him to give up immunity in a play that even they thought was a Hail Mary.
Erik might be “the dumbest Survivor,” but he was neither the first nor the last to be fooled by sweet-talking allies. How about you?
Day 4 ends at 9:00pm EST on Sunday, May 19th.