Dante stalked through the bowels of the Satellite of Love, which looked surprisingly like a cement factory, his trusty guns at the ready as he kept his eyes peeled for supernatural foes. Who knew what sort of demons lurked in here in the satellite’s dank, railing-strewn basement?

As he wended his way across a catwalk which ran through a forest of pipes, he rack smack into–

“Commander Dobler?” He dropped his gun at the sight of the Commander’s surprised face. “What are you doing down here?”

“This far down in the ship, you’ve got to expect a few Lords of the Deep,” Dobler answered. “I’m putting down peanut butter traps.”

Yeah, right, Dante thought. I’ll bet he’s on to us! I can’t let him leave this catwalk alive.

He drew his gun…

“Oh, hello, Mikey!” Commander Dobler said, waving at the new arrival. “What are you doing down here? Looking for more Mikes to get rid of?”

“Looking for someone to get rid of, my friend, looking for someone,” Mikey the Mike Sprite said, eyeing the two men. They eyed him right back. Mikey reached behind his back for his little cymbals…

And from the ceiling, the Screaming Skull descended silently (which was very unusual for it.)

Far below, the official Satellite of Love railing inspector was doing her nightly rounds. “Everything looks safe here! Nobody falling off these railings!” she said. “I’m giving this safety system a perfect 10! First I’ll write the 0, and now a vertical line to indicate the one–”

KILL! DING! SCREAM! She was interrupted by three bodies tumbling from above and smashing into the cement floor.

“Not…even…Coca-cola…can save me now…” gasped Dobler. With his final breath, he blew a large pink gum bubble which read ‘WE’LL BE BACK!’, and died.

Captain Video has died. He was a TEST SUBJECT (Town) and he was also MAC.

[You are a Test Subject (town) and you are also MAC! You have the ability to heal one player once per night. In order to use this power, you must post something laudatory about either McDonald’s or Coca-Cola during the preceding day phase. You win when all scum are eliminated.]

“Damn,” Dante groaned “…I’ve killed ninety-nine demons…I was only one away…from the fifteen dollar gift card…to Subway! Avenge my death, Rebels!” And he too expired.

DW has died. He was a REBEL TEST SUBJECT (Wolf) and he was also JODY.

[You are a Rebel Test Subject (wolf) and you are also Jody, the Kitten With A Whip! Once per game, you may hide in a player’s quarters and watch Looney Tunes until they come home, at which point you can attempt to blackmail them into joining the Rebel cause. Only certain players are recruitable, and this ability can be blocked, but you can keep trying once per night until it succeeds. You don’t like to get your hands dirty, so you only carry out the killings if all your conspirators are dead. You win when all town are eliminated (or that becomes inevitable) and when the Cymbal-Banging Monkey has been eliminated. ]

Mikey, lying between the two, reached feebly for his cymbals. If he could just get in one more good kill…but his little puppet arms were just too short. “No DINGs, my friend, no DINGs…” he said mournfully as the murderous light went out of his eyes.

Flubba has died. He was the CYMBAL-BANGING MONKEY (Serial Killer).

[You are the Cymbal-Banging Monkey (serial killer)! Each night you may clang your adorable little toy cymbals together and kill one player. You don’t care if they’re loyal riffers, murderous rebels, or house plants, you just want to see the bodies hit the floor. You probably aren’t going to win because sooner or later someone will knock you into a paper sack and throw you away, but you’re going to have a merry old time until then.]

“Well!” said the safety inspector, eyeing the field of corpses. “This certainly is going to have an impact on my evaluation!”

—–

The Skull floated cheerfully out of the ship and into the void. It was no longer a Screaming Skull. It was now a Smiling Skull. It was at peace at last. It floated off in the direction of Earth, planning on catching up on its reading and maybe helping to establish a community garden in an underprivileged neighborhood.

—–

Meanwhile, someone on the ship leaned out a window and threw something as hard as they could. The object rocketed away at top speed.

“See you tomorrow,” said the someone, watching the object disappear into the deep black of the sky.

—–

Dr. Forrester was very grumpy that morning. A third of her test subjects were already dead, and she’d only been awarded an 8.5 out of 10 for workplace railing safety.

——

Player Roll Call

Flubba (Mikey the Mike Sprite) – CYMBAL BANGING MONKEY (Serial Killer)

Josephus (Reb Brown)

Mr. I’m My Own Grandfather (Zap Rowsdower)

Hoho (Greasy Possum)

Jake (Ben Murphy)

Sister Jude (Harried MST3K Writer) – REBEL TEST SUBJECT (Wolf) – GODZILLA

E-dog (E-Dog)

Goat (Pumaman)

Mayelbridwen (Giant Lobster Monster)

Louie (A Can of Hamdingers)

DW (Dante) – REBEL TEST SUBJECT (Wolf) – JODY

Donalbain (Phil Mitchell) – TEST SUBJECT (Town) – THE SCREAMING SKULL

Clodia (Skeleton Army) – WILD CARD TEST SUBJECT (Unaligned) – JIMMY WILSON

Spooky (John Mulaney)

Mr. Glitch (The Amazing Colossal Man)

Wasp (Mr. B Natural)

Captain Video (Commander Dobler) – TEST SUBJECT (Town) – MAC

Ralph (Bill Dudley)

Sukaluski (??)

Grumproro (Johnny) – TEST SUBJECT (Town) – TRUMPY

Lamb Dance (Santa Claus)

—–

This experiment contains:

Fourteen Ten Test Subjects (town). I won’t give you ALL the details, but they include more than one one-shot vigilante, a doctor, a jailer, an investigator, and a spy who can observe night actions, among other things both useful and not-so-useful.

Four Five Three Rebel Test Subjects (wolves). These space mutineers have one recruiter, one rebel who won’t read as a rebel, one vanilla rebel, and someone who can do something else that will be an unpleasant surprise if it happens. A specific Rebel Test Subject is assigned to perform the killings each night. If they are killed or blocked, the next one in the line of succession takes the job, and so on.

Two One Wild Card Test Subject (unaligned.) These players have their own agendas and win conditions. They will read as town if investigated. It is possible for them to be recruited by the rebels, but they will continue to have their own secret agenda.

No more Cymbal-Banging Monkeys jumping on the bed.

Named roles and allegiances are revealed upon death. So are powers…mostly.

Some roles are SECRET. The roled player loses their power if they publicly reveal either the name of their role or its power. They do not lose the power if these things are revealed through any other method.

A tie at Movie Sign=no kill. There’s plenty of other ways to die in this thing.

The Pant Association urges you to wear your pants at least three times per day, and the Post Association recommends you post at least as often! Please don’t quote directly from QTs, no editing posts, and let’s all be awesome to each other and have fun!

Movie Sign will be on Thursday, March 21, at 7:00 PM Central US time.