Werewolves 64: Sears – Day 1

June 19, 2018. Morale is low in the SARPA facility beneath Rochester as you proceed directly from the PowerPoint presentation about time travel to the time machine. Before that was a PowerPoint presentation about life in Florida in 2009. It was incredibly depressing.

“Don’t, hn, step on the cables,” says Dr. Berk Smøps as you pick your way across the floor. “We need those to, hn, control.”

The time machine is an enormous ring stood up on edge. Seemingly suspended within it is a sparkling fluid. Some of you gasp. It’s much bigger and sparklier than the PowerPoint had led you to believe.

“We call it the Searsgate,” says Dr. Smøps, with a touch of pride. “Now! Does anyone remember the Three Cs of time travel?”

Nobody remembers the three Cs of time travel.

“Well, hn, we already opened the portal. You have no idea how expensive that is. Might as well use it.”

He directs you to a 2006 Ford box truck with Sears branding and severe body rust.

“This will be your transport,” says Berk as all 20 of you climb in. “There’s $500 in cash in the glovebox. Use that to, hn, buy anything you need.”

You look at each other. “That’s enough for like one meal for all of us at a restaurant,” someone says.

Suddenly, a tech runs up, carrying a Sears cordless phone from maybe 1990. His nametag says BLURP.

“Berk,” he says, panting, “Rochester Gas & Electric is on the line. We’re three months overdue on our power bill, not two! They could cut the power at any time!”

Berk fixes you all in his limpid gaze. “Hn, hurry.” You finish piling in, and then a couple people climb back out to push-start the truck.

“By the way,” says Berk, stepping back, “I have reason to believe my nemesis, Dr. Robin Þicc, is among you. But I can’t be sure, because I have, hn, moderate face blindness. He could have changed his clothes or cut his hair.”

“Do you have a pic-?” someone starts to ask, but Blurp yells that there’s no time, and the person in the driver’s seat pops the clutch. The truck gasps and rolls forward up the ramp toward the portal. The two people who were pushing hop in the back, and get to see Berk and Blurp wave handkerchiefs goodbye.


Hyperspace is terrible. You feel like you’re being stretched and smushed at the same time. The truck’s check engine light comes on. Somebody drops their Sears lanyard over the side and it vanishes into the Pleistocene.

At least, with a damp wooshing sound, you’re deposited in a vast, empty parking lot at night. The truck promptly stalls. It’s warm and humid. In the distance, you can hear frogs croaking and traffic ordinances being violated. And, in the distance, a familiar glow:


There’s a “NOW HIRING” sign up on the door.

“Do you think night is a good time to ask for jobs?” someone asks.

“Florida had 20% unemployment in 2009,” someone else replies. “Apply now and we show initiative.”

You start walking across the parking lot toward the store. Halfway across, the sprinklers on the traffic islands come alive and soak all of your pants.


  1. Sic Humor
  2. Lindsay
  3. Hohodor
  4. Jake
  5. D. Goat
  6. PearlSheltie
  7. E-Dog
  8. Elliot Thomas
  9. Owen
  10. Banner
  11. Jon Hamm’s John Ham
  12. April Ludgate-Karate-Dwyer
  13. Subsaharan
  14. Hayes
  15. Dr. Nick
  16. Mac Crocodile
  17. Spiny Creature
  18. Wood Sword
  19. Colonel Mustard
  20. Platypus Basileus


  • 14 vanilla town (Searsonauts)
  • 1 town-aligned jailer (Janitor)
  • 1 town-aligned detective (Manager on Duty)
  • 2 vanilla wolves (JC Penney Spies)
  • 1 wolf roleblocker (Dr. Robin Þicc)
  • 1 serial killer (Unsatisfied Customer)


  • The investigator role (MOD) will always be backfilled from the vanilla town population. If there are no more vanilla town members left, the role will be left empty.
  • The jailer cannot jail themselves, or the same person two days in a row.
  • JC Penney forces (wolves) will show up as JC PENNEY on the investigator’s Sears Network Controller. All others come up SEARS.
  • The wolves win when they are equal to the number of town-aligned players left.
  • Town wins when all the wolves and the serial killer are defeated.
  • Serial killer wins when it comes down to just them and one other person.
  • A three-way standoff between the last town, last wolf and SK will result in a special ending.
  • A tie at the end of day results in No Lynch. A majority of living players voting for any one person (or No Lynch) ends the day early.
  • No editing posts.
  • No quoting or screencapping from your QTs.
  • If you have any other questions about rules, please ask in QT, and I will answer publicly here.

DAY ENDS: 2 p.m. Eastern on Thursday (countdown)