The Thursday Politics Thread Totally Plateaus On Its Delts

Morning Politocadoes!

We say goodbye to Speaker Paul D. Ryan. Yes, the House Speaker and erstwhile Randian Policy “Wonk” has decided not to seek a new term. Yet, much like that Planet Fitness membership your significant other got you, it’s gonna take a lot longer to actually end our relationship with him. Ryan will continue on as Speaker and as a congressman until next January. That means he’s still technically in the line of succession if all of the things go down in the next eight months or so.

We still don’t know precisely why he’s doing this now. Some say it’s so he can get a plum job as a lobbyist, some think its because of the Blue Tsunami that’s bound to be hitting the November elections, still others think while those are probably true; it’s also because he knows a lot more about the Russia investigation than he lets on. Recall that Congressman Devin Nunes briefed Ryan after his “midnight ride” to the White House last year and that Ryan has since done shit to Shinola to prevent the obviously compromised lawmaker from heading the House Intelligence Committee investigation into the election. Even after the release of the Nunes Memo was roundly dismissed on all sides as boneheaded.

Regardless, Ryan will leave the Speakership having pleateaued on the Tax Cut. He failed to repeal the Affordable Care Act, he failed to pass his so-called Ryan Budget, all he’s been able to do is pass a tax cut! Something every Republican congress does! He has been supine to a President he has never liked or admired, never once truly standing up to this oafish buffoon. Ryan is above-all a coward, with no true convictions other than hurting poor people. He is also a failed Presidential and Vice-Presidential candidate. Ayn Rand is looking down contemptuosly from the framed photo Ryan has across from his benchpress. But she does that in all of the photos he has of her, so I’m not sure if it matters.

This weekend Ryan will slip on his earbuds and start furiously pumping iron trying to push past his limit. But sadly, this was the best he could do and even that wasn’t very good. A single tear wells up in his eye, as Papa Roach’s “Last Resort” queues on his iPod Shuffle.


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