Nobody screws Ashley J. Williams like Ashley J… That sounded so much better in my head.
Holy hell, that was one crazy, jam-packed episode, and probably my favorite so far this season.
First things first. The fight between Deadite Pablo, mini-Deadite Pablo on Kelly’s leg and Brandy continued, and he broke through the roof of the Airstream trailer. As the fight got more vicious, including shoving oil into Leg Pablo that Deadite Pablo would vomit onto Brandy’s face, Brandy grabbed the Candarian Dagger and stabbed him, sending him to an underworld where we are reunited with not only the naked masked lady (who finally has a name: Maritsa) but with the one, the only, the magnificent Brujo.
Kelly and Brandy see Pablo’s body turning black, but in the underworld the Brujo tells Pablo his journey is far from over. His body is dying, evil is consuming his soul, and only a Brujo has the strength required to save the prophesied one. (Or Ash, if you prefer.) Basically, since Pablo turned away from his destiny, he left himself open to evil, and he has to prove himself worthy now. This consists of him choosing between three bowls. One of them has the blood of his people, and if he chooses the right bowl and mixes his blood with theirs, he will become not only a Brujo, but El Brujo Especial.
It’s hard, as his people disappear after he’s scraped a couple of times with the Kandarian Dagger, and both evil and his ancestors are speaking to him, but our boy does it. After Kelly says “Pablo, you’ve got this” as his body is decaying, he says “I’ve got this!” and makes the correct choice. Back in the trailer, Pablo’s body is finally free of the stab wounds, of the Necronomicon writing, but he looks dead to Kelly and Brandy. When he jolts up, Kelly can’t help but plant a huge kiss on him. And though this is something Pablo has wanted since we were introduced to his character, the first words out of his mouth are “Shit, where’s Ash?”
Oh, he loved the kiss. It’s just that El Jefe needs him, the end is nigh and he can’t defeat this evil without him, even though he’d never admit it. And when asked what the fuck just happened, his only response is “Something especial.” Kelly says she needs to take care of her leg wound, so she tasks Brandy with tracking down Ash. And warns her to stay the fuck away with Ruby. Or Miss Prevett. Whatever. But really, what’s on her mind is taking care of that rotten bitch Ruby once and for all.
Things weren’t faring too well at Ruby’s place. Ash noticed the little demon baby was a little him, with a chainsaw hand and everything. After managing to unstick his hand from the sink to detach himself from the poor hitchhiker, he starts doing some investigating. He sees that Ruby’s been stalking him for decades; photos of his wedding night with Candy, of him knocking her up in the Delta, hanging out in the trailer, basically everything. All the hitchhiker wants to do is kill the demon kid, while Ash just wants to capture him, show him to Brandy, and prove once and for all that he’s not crazy. Hitchhiker lady quietly uncuffs herself from the sink, bashes Ash over the head, and grabs his boomstick to go after the kid. And of course, it doesn’t go so well for her; when Ash comes to, she’s beheaded. Which brings us to one of the most bizarre fights in the history of the franchise: the demon baby crawls into the hitchhiker’s vagina, his head pops out of her neck, and he gets into a duel with Ash. (Oh, you are way too young to be going up there!) The fight alternates between the demon baby manipulating her headless body to attack Ash, his head popping out of her neck, and his head popping out from between her legs. Ash ends up bashing his head down into her corpse with a bowling ball, shoving a bowling ball inside her crotch, wrapping the monstrosity in a carpet and tossing the whole mess into the Delta.
Brandy goes to the hardware store to look for her dad, and conveniently he shows up just as she’s banging on the door. He tells her he has something to prove her guidance counselor is full of C.R.A.P.P. (Ash trying to adopt and butcher teenage slang is adorable.) Then Ruby shows up, trying to goad Brandy into staying with her again and say that her father’s nuts. And then, oh shit, a cop shows up. Ash opens the trunk to show her the demon baby and it’s… just a normal baby now. A normal baby covered in blood. Ash then pleads to Brandy in a pretty heartfelt little speech: Brandy, I know I’m a crappy father, but I’m also a crappy liar. I’ve always told you the truth, even if it sounds creepy and weird. I mean, how do you make this shit up? When the cop says Ash has some explaining to do, the engine of the Delta revs, and Brandy says “Dad, get in.” Which touches Ash, because it’s the first time she called him “Dad”. D’aww. After this crazy ride, the mess with Pablo and Kelly and all she’s witnessed, seems like Brandy can’t help but be a believer now.