Werewolf XXXI: Culinary Catastrophe, Day Four: Pasta (or Laburnum Lasagna)

The Cadaverous Campanelle


3 medium leeks, white and light green parts halved lengthwise, washed, and cut into 1/2-inch-thick slices (about 5 cups), roughly chopped dark green parts reserved (about 3 cups)
1 pound asparagus, tough ends snapped off, chopped coarsely, and reserved; spears cut on bias into 1/2-inch-thick pieces
2 cups frozen baby peas, thawed
4 medium garlic cloves, minced (about 4 teaspoons)
4 cups vegetable broth
1 cup water
2 tablespoons minced fresh mint leaves
2 tablespoons minced fresh chives
1/2 teaspoon finely grated lemon zest plus 2 tablespoons lemon juice from 1 lemon
6 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes
1 pound campanelle pasta (can substitute farfalle or penne)
1 cup dry white wine
1/2 cup (about 1 ounce) grated Parmesan cheese, plus extra for serving
Salt (Kosher salt, if you wish) and ground black pepper


1) Place the dark green leek trimmings, asparagus trimmings, 1 cup peas, 2 teaspoons garlic, vegetable broth, and water into a large stockpot. Bring to a simmer over high heat, then lower heat to medium-low, cover, and gently simmer for about 10 minutes. While the broth simmers, combine the mint, chives, and lemon zest in a small bowl; set aside.

2) Strain the broth through a fine-mesh strainer into a large bowl, pressing on the solids to extract as much liquid as possible (you should have 5 cups of broth – if it is below 5 cups, add water to bring it up to volume). Discard the solids and return the broth to the stockpot. Cover and keep warm over low heat.

3) Heat 2 tablespoons olive oil in Dutch oven over medium heat until shimmering. Add sliced leeks and a pinch of salt; cook, covered, stirring occasionally, until leeks begin to brown, about 5 minutes. Add asparagus pieces and cook until crisp and tender, 4-6 minutes. Add remaining 2 teaspoons garlic and red pepper flakes; cook until fragrant, about 30 seconds. Add remaining cup peas and continue to cook for about 1 minute. Transfer the vegetables to a plate or bowl, and set aside. Wipe out the Dutch oven.

4) Heat the remaining 4 tablespoons olive oil in Dutch oven over medium heat until shimmering. Add the pasta, stir to coat, and cook, stirring frequently, until just beginning to brown, about 5 minutes. Add the wine and cook, stirring constantly, until absorbed, about 2 minutes.

5) When the wine is fully absorbed, add the hot broth. Increase the heat to medium-high and bring to a boil. Cook, stirring frequently, until most of the liquid is absorbed and the pasta is al dente, about 8-10 minutes.

6) Remove the Dutch oven from heat, stir in the lemon juice, Parmesan cheese, half of the herb mixture, and the vegetables. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Serve immediately, passing extra Parmesan cheese and remaining herb mixture separately.

The next morning, the chefs met over breakfast, congratulating themselves and each other for eliminating yet another Poisoner. “I think we’ll make it out of here yet!” said Mary Berry, offering a croissant to Henry Crabbe, who pointedly avoided it. “Let’s not count our chickens before they’re braised,” he replied gravely. “There are still two poisoners about.”

“Yes, we can’t be too careful now,” said Cat Cora, as the seven chefs sat down at the table, each having insisted on making his or her own breakfast. “Speaking of which, is someone missing?” said Jean-Paul Ducroque. “I know people have been dropping like flies, but shouldn’t there be eight of us?” “Oh, yes!” exclaimed Alex Guarnaschelli. “Where is Otakunomike?”

As a group, they all went up to his dorm room, forcing the locked door open. Inside, they found an array of beakers and burners, chemicals and compounds. “Wow, quite the scientist,” said Lily Loveless. “He’s smart enough to avoid any strange food.” Indeed, he was smart enough to avoid strange food, but his caution hadn’t extended to his dental hygiene. The chefs found his body sprawled across the bathroom floor, with colorful festive ribbons of poisoned toothpaste that had been squeezed out during his throes of death splayed all over the walls.

Otakunomike is dead. He was the Taste Tester.


7 5 Chefs (Vanilla Town)
1 0 Taste Testers (Cop)
1 0 Dorm Prefects (Jailkeeper)
4 3 2 Poisoners (Wolves)

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1) Smokemaster Shipwreck — Poisoner
2) Mello Yello Enthusiast
3) forget_it_jake / Alex Guarnaschelli
4) El Marinero / DI Henry Crabbe
5) Spiny Creature / Lily Loveless
6) Otakunomike — Taste Tester (Cop)
7) Creeper / Guy Fieri — Chef (Vanilla Town)
8) FJ’s Motorized Hot Tub / Nigella Lawson — Poisoner
9) Holly Jolly Allison / Tiffani Amber Thiessen — Chef (Vanilla Town)
10) ThoughtsThoughtsThoughts / Cat Cora
11) MacCrocodile / Jean-Paul Ducroque
12) HolsGG / Mary Berry
13) Candide / Peter Reinhart — Dorm Prefect (Jailkeeper)

Day One
Day Two
Day Three

Day Four ends at 10AM EST on Tuesday, May 30, or if a majority lynch vote is reached first.