Granted, it’s possible some of these people were triggered into putting a bag over their head upon hearing the word “mattress,” but it’s far more likely the bags were the result of their team’s lousy football. No surprise the bags are out for Arkansas and Maryland, and now TCU is joining the checkout aisle. Crazy that only a few years ago they were on a crazy run, but here we are. And then there was a time when they’d perform and nobody cried for more.

What’s on tap for this week? Indiana plays some real competition with a road game against Nebraska. Teams are deathly afraid of playing somebody real in a non-conference game, so now we mostly wait until October for the serious games to start. Texas A&M goes to Mizzou: one of these teams is a fraud, and this game will probably not provide a definitive answer. Oklahoma State hosts UCF in a non-conference ga- oh, it seems UCF is in the Big 12 these days. Huh. No word on whether head coach Eric Morris is a man, or is 40. Darth Carolina goes to Pittsburgh, and I’m suddenly a ravenous Pitt fan. NC State hosts Wake Forest in a certified Classic Conference Matchup (I assume). Afternoon slot gifts us the great Red River Rivalry, where the pageantry and hoopla will be off the charts. We also get Stanford going to Notre Dame and UCLA playing Oregon in a …. Big Ten game?!? Am I being punk’d right now? Evening time, LSU at Kentucky is an interesting matchup; we can see just how for real Kentucky is. USC travels to Penn State and Syracuse travels to Virginia for conference matchups. And the biggie, Georgia vs Alabama. Excitement! Heartbreak! Football!

12:00 pm
#7 Indiana @ Nebraska
Texas A &M @ #14 Mizzou
UCF @ #18 Oklahoma State
North Carolina @ #25 Pittsburgh
Wake Forest @ NC State

3:30 pm
#1 Texas @ Oklahoma
Stanford @ #5 Notre Dame
#9 Ole Miss @ Vanderbilt
#21 UCLA @ #13 Oregon

4:15 pm
Maryland @ #5 Ohio State
#15 Tennessee @ Arkansas

7:00 pm
#10 LSU @ Kentucky

7:30 pm
#2 Georgia @ #6 Alabama
#19 USC @ Penn State