I have gotten locked in a surprising number of bathrooms, not least my own bathroom, because the inside doorknob likes to fall off; for this reason, I never fully close my bathroom door, leading to fun surprises like one of the cats banging the bathroom door fully open and “HERE’S JOHNNY”‘ing me while I’m taking a shower. Anyway, here are my top three locked-in-a-bathroom experiences so far:

3. This one happened just recently: I was visiting a friend in Minneapolis, and when I took a shower in her downstairs bathroom, I locked the door. Nothing personal: It’s just I have nephews who will barge into a bathroom like, well, like a cat, so I habitually lock the bathroom door when not in my own home. Anyway, I got out of the shower, got dressed, went to leave the bathroom, and . . . couldn’t get the door open. The twist-lock just wouldn’t go fully horizontal. Worse, the screws for the hinges and for the doorknob were all on the inside. My friend tried to pass a screwdriver under the door, but it wouldn’t fit. She started contemplating borrowing a pickaxe. I spotted a Target membership card (or whatever) next to her sink and decided to try the old credit card trick from TV. It worked! I was free! God bless TV. My friend has since taken the doorknob off just in case.

2. When I was eight, my brother was being born at Woman’s Hospital, and it was taking a while, so I went to use the bathroom down some hall where hopefully no one else would be using the bathroom (I was shy). I used a private bathroom of some kind, and when I went to get out, I couldn’t. I was too embarrassed to raise a fuss, so I just sat in there until I heard my mom’s best friend going from door to door whispering harshly, “[jake]?” Turns out she’d been going from room to room all up and down the floor looking for me because my brother was on his way. She let me out, and to this day she treats me as slightly incapacitated. Fair.

1. I was sleeping over at a friend’s house when I was probably about 12 or so. I had to go to the bathroom in the early morning hours (probably around 2), so I did so, but then I couldn’t get out of the bathroom. (Seriously, this is clearly a me thing.) I didn’t want to disturb the family, so I crawled out the window. Pretty proud of myself, I went around to the front door and realized I would need to ring the doorbell to get in. So I did. The look on that woman’s face when she found me barefoot in my pajamas outside their locked front door, compounded by the look she gave when I explained. . . .

And those are the three most memorable experiences I’ve had locked in a bathroom.

Enjoy the Day Thread, Avocados! Be safe and kind!