Jerry discovers from his Nana that Uncle Leo owes his mother fifty bucks from decades ago, causing a rift between Leo and his father. Elaine schemes to get Kramer to criticise the haircut of her friend Wendy. Wendy treats George for a sore arm, only to subject him to unexpected fees. Kramer takes photos of everyone in the building in order to make everyone more friendly, to Jerry’s annoyance.

Written by: Larry David & Jerry Seinfeld
Directed by: Andy Ackerman

Jerry’s exasperation with the eponymous ‘kiss hello’ is a classic example of this show zeroing in so tightly on the comic potential of a minor social faux pas that it becomes weirdly profound. Jerry straight-up articulates his frustration with it as being mostly about the obligation; we’ve hit upon the idea that Jerry and the show’s morality is largely based around being the kind of person one is, looking for behaviours that reflect who one wants to be, and then getting frustrated when the consequences for one’s behaviour are disconnected from that, and this feels like an extension of that – there’s behaviours we have to do to as part of a social role and we just don’t wanna do them.

Jerry’s arc in this episode feels, to me, like it ties into the common observation that cities are lonely; I personally take a lot of comfort out of the disconnectedness of cities. I’ve lived in small towns most of my life, and the way one is perceived by absolutely everyone gets absolutely exhausting to me, as opposed to the freedom of being able to walk around neither recognised nor recognising anyone on my way to going to wherever the people I personally care about are. Jerry lives out a very similar attitude here; he enjoys not having to play out the social contract with people he doesn’t actually care about, nor have any reason to care about (as opposed to, as he points out, Uncle Leo).

Human beings are, for better and worse, social animals; humans thrived and grew as a group because we collectively make our decisions not on rational pursuit of single goals but on metaphor and social cohesion; I read an interesting book called Traffic by Tom Vanderbilt, which has a chapter dedicated to a man who reduced accidents in one area by designing the streets to have as few traffic signals as possible, forcing drivers to look at and model off each other (something that’s paradoxically safer whilst making people feel less safe). Unfortunately, the logic of civilisation and advances in technology (and especially cities) has made this line of thinking almost redundant and in some ways a vestigial system that’s less relevant, causing contradictions and absurdities that Seinfeld makes its bread and butter.

TOPICS O’ THE WEEK

• “You don’t flamenco on the first date.”
• Elaine getting angry that George would ask for medical advice from a professional in her off-hours is funny as well as something tying into this show’s larger morality – the characters assume (often correctly) that people don’t want to work and do their best to reduce the work you have to do in order to be well thought of.
• “I’m not thrilled with all the hand-shaking either, but one step at a time!”
• This has another interesting not-quite-postmodern moment when the characters scheme to have Kramer say something tactless so they don’t have to, trying to take advantage of him always saying the wrong thing but forgetting that in this case, it would be to say her haircut looks great. 8 Bit Theater ran on this kind of humour, shoving it in your face; Seinfeld is a touch more subtle.
• “If everybody knew everybody, we wouldn’t have the problems we have today!” Facebook has clearly proven this wrong.
• “Well it’s less than twenty-four hours! So I guess I have to!”
• Great moments in blocking: George walking in right when Kramer kisses Jerry, with the other two blocking him. I forgot that there was basically no context for that. I also love the shot of Elaine taunting Wendy about her hair, with George standing right next to her gleefully drinking this all in.
• Jerry would have an easier time turning down the ‘kiss hello’ in 2025. In fact, the real Jerry Seinfeld ended up in almost exactly this situation in 2017, turning down a hug from pop star Kesha, and having quite a few people defend his right to do so.
• It’s amazing how George can be completely in the right about a situation – literally everything Wendy does seems completely unprofessional – and still go about it wrong.
• “I hear everything!”

Biggest Laugh: Hard to convey through single images, but I have to give it to the smug team up of Elaine and George at the end of the Wendy story.

Next Week: “The Doorman”