♪ To the left, to the left
Everything you own in the box to the left
To the left, to the left
Don’t you ever for a second get to thinkin’
You’re irreplaceable ♪
And now for something completely different.
Stick with this. It starts personal. Then it gets kind of personally affronting. Eventually, like most experiences endured past a certain point, it becomes political.
Your fill-in PT header host recently lost his 83-year-old father to Sen. Joni Ernst’s favorite cause of death – living at all.1 Since Ma Suspects passed away 19 years ago, Uvular somewhat expectedly finds himself orphaned at the tender age of too tired to even yell at whippersnappers who wander onto his lawn.
Inheritances included bank and retirement accounts, cars still technically owned by banks, and an apartment and storage unit overstuffed with stuff accumulated by Uvular’s parents, Uvular’s parents’ parents, and Uvular’s parents’ parents’ parents since—no lie—Reconstruction.2
Burying the old man took a week. The project of disposing of the detritus of generations of lives, well, lived has entered its second month with no concluding date projectable. The guy did not keep a home for going on nine decades so much as he assembled an agglomeration.
Parenting Politicados, believe your humble interlocutor: Your heirs do not need or want the heirlooms, keepsakes, collectibles, furniture, clothes, electronics, books, etc., so forth, and et al. you amassed during your decades of achieving, stockpiling, and aggregating. Everything you own that you cannot presently eat or spend will get sold, junked, donated, or trashed.
Polticados without issue,3 this applies equally with emphasis. Your siblings and friends hold even less interest in your high school athletic trophies, Funko Pops, and Madden game disks than your nonexistent sons, daughters, or gender nonconformings would. Take away everything a person owns and you wind up with little more than carpeting or flooring that badly needs replacing.
Grant eventual survivors the greatest gift of getting rid of all gewgaws and gimcracks. Precisely identify by name, location, and approximate pecuniary or personal value the physical objects you wish preserved for posterity. Set up a trust for tax purposes while also explicitly bequeathing individual items.
Purge all that does not merit such special treatment now and in the future. Start now ditching and disposing of everything you do not use or wear regularly. Stop only when you can reasonably expect the folks left to fully finish the job will feel no resentment while performing mop-up. The Wednesday Political Thread header will wait while you do a döstädning.4
The politics of downsizing spans many PT fixations, including up- and recycling, mutual support, and capitalism. Eschew aquivitiveness5 and keep as much of your crap out of landfills as possible. Endeavor to ensure items go to those who will make the most immediate use of them. Overcharge rich folks willing to overpay for ultimate insignificances such as old coins, then contribute some gotten gains to charity. Rest easy knowing you can rest in peace having left behind as little as possible.
You cannot take it6 with you. Why force someone else to take it anywhere at all once you can’t?
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