Rom-coms are a staple genre during the Christmas season. Take your usual romance story, put some tinsel on it, and – boom – Christmas rom-com. Knowing that these films are fairly cheap to churn out and their average subscriber will consume whatever slop is put in front of them (read: me!), Netflix got into the Christmas game a few years back. Last year, they trotted out Lindsay Lohan who played an amnesiac. Before that it was Vanessa Hudgens who bravely played THREE Vanessa Hudgens-es. And way before that, they had a prince who ran a failed state. For 2024, Netflix managed to bag one of Hallmark’s leading actresses, Lacey Chabert. Hallmark allegedly called her “old,” so she might be spreading her wings.
I’m taking a page from Lacey’s book and stepping away from Hallmark to watch the soon-to-be Christmas classic, Hot Frosty.
Widow Kathy magically brings a snowman to life. His innocence helps her heal and find love again. They bond before the holidays, but he’s doomed to melt.
We’ve had cartoon Frosty, family Frosty, and horror Frosty. But is the world ready for sexy Frosty?
RECAP
The film kicks off with a narrator who we never hear from again. He explains that this is going to be a supernatural affair so best to leave your disbelief at home.
We meet Kathy who has an alarm clock that my parents had in 1989. She lives in a frozen home that is in desperate need of repairs. Although it looks like she’s a down-on-her-luck squatter, she actually runs a diner and appears to just really hate DIY. Kathy heads to work to cook an Original Grand Slam.
After the morning rush, Kathy visits her friend who bestows her a stinky old scarf.
With the day now over, Kathy wistfully walks through the town and finds herself looking at the freshly-made snowmen. One has a carrot for a nose while another has anatomically correct abs.
Kathy dumps the scarf onto the snow version of Michelangelo’s David and heads home. The camera zooms in the snowman’s…lower half which is conveniently blocked by the scarf. Thanks to the power of Christmas magic, we’re treated to a real nude boy!
The now human Frosty begins to streak around the town square, frightening an old man and titillating an old lady. Realizing that the MPAA is watching, the snowman breaks into a nearby store and steals some clothes.
The next morning, Kathy discovers the handsome snowman. He remembers her from the time she threw a scarf on him, but Kathy thinks he’s not mentally well. Because he stole coveralls with a nametag, Kathy dubs him Jack. He excitedly tells her all about how he came to life one day. Thinking that he must have hypothermia, Kathy rushes him to her local doctor friend.
Kathy tells the doctor that he believes he is a snowman come to life, and based on his 32° F temperature, the doctor concludes that this must be the truth.
Kathy takes Jack home where he learns how to watch TV. She leaves the strange man alone in her house, so she can work at the diner.
Kathy arrives home with new clothes for Jack to change into.
Over a pizza dinner, Kathy tells Jack about her DEAD HUSBANDTM.
The next day, a horny older lady spies a shirtless Jack repairing Kathy’s house and almost crashes her car. She convinces Jack to fix her electricity while her friends watch.
Later that day, Jack reveals that he’s gotten a maintenance job at the local school. Schools famously don’t do backgrounds checks. They get into a fight about this until Kathy returns home and sees that Jack fixed her whole house and decorated it like a Hallmark movie. She allows him to have a job.
Jack and Kathy go on a Pretty Woman clothing montage because they’re going to a middle school dance and Jack currently only has three outfits (not counting his birthday suit).
As a snowman, Jack has to always be at freezing temperature or else he’ll melt. With all the dancing he’s doing, a new risk arises: Jack stripping at the middle school dance to stay cool. Kathy prevents both from happening.
It’s the night before Christmas and Kathy holds her annual party at the diner for the townspeople. The sheriff crashes the shindig to accuse Jack of being a nudist. He arrests the snowman and takes him away. Then this dialogue happens.
Lady: He’s different from us, Nate! (Note: Nate is the sheriff)
Waitress: What do you mean different?
Doctor: He’s a snowman that magically came to life! Remember that muscular snowman from the snow sculpture festival?
Horny lady: I thought he looked familiar! It explains why he’s so comfortable without a shirt on.
Kathy: So, you all…just…you just buy that he’s a snowman?
Waitress: [shrugs] It’s Christmas.
The diner has a gas leak.
At the precinct, Jack is literally dying because he’s too warm. Sadly, Kathy doesn’t have enough money to pay his bail. The whole town passes a hat around and they gather the exact amount to break the snowman out of the slammer.
Kathy tells an unconscious Jack that she loves him. Unfortunately, he can’t hear her because he’s dead. That doesn’t stop Kathy from laying one on him, anyway. The town begins to head home, leaving the dead body to decay into the snow.
But suddenly, Jack appears! He says he’s cold. Which means he’s a real boy who now needs to apply for a social security number. A Coldplay song begins to play as Jack and Kathy finally kiss.
Kathy and Jack spend Christmas together. Jack gives Kathy the gift of learning how to fix a boiler and Kathy buys them both a trip to Hawaii.
REVIEW
To put it in the simplest terms possible, this movie was about a magical himbo. Did we need multiple gratuitous shots of Jack’s abs? No, but Netflix had a particular audience in mind when commissioning this. Lacey is very comfortable in these roles, so she brought her usual sweet girl persona to the role. The standout though was Dustin Milligan (Jack). The man enjoyed being an airhead and it looks like he got to eat one Christmas cookie during filming, so that must’ve been nice for him. I could’ve done without the sheriff plot, but I guess it was important for the final act. Overall, I appreciated the silliness of this whole affair.
STRAY THOUGHTS
- Hey, it’s the guy from Schitt’s Creek. He’s nice.
- Jack remembered Kathy from before he became a real boy which leads me to the terrifying conclusion that every snowman we make has thoughts, feelings, and memories.
- They briefly watch last year’s Netflix Christmas movie starring Lindsay Lohan. Kathy remarks, “That is so funny. That looks just like a girl I went to high school with.” Har har. Very cute, Netflix.
- Netflix has a trend of women falling in love with men that were practically born yesterday. See: that Vanessa Hudgens movie where she falls in love with an knight who time traveled to today.
- Jack learns how to do everything by watching TV which is the most unrealistic thing about this movie.
- They have a blooper reel which is a throwback to when movies used to do that all the time in the 2000s.
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