Towards the end of the Age of Strife, the Emperor crafted 20 magical clone babies that he called Primarchs. The forces of Chaos didn’t like the Emperor very much, so they kidnapped his magical clone babies and threw them randomly all over the galaxy, and the Emperor had all kinds of adventures finding them again. This thread is about the 17th magical clone baby the Emperor recovered – Angron, Primarch of the 12th Legion.

Wee Babbie Angron crash-landed on the planet Nuceria, where he was found and enslaved by that planet’s ruling elite. The very first thing they did with this new space baby was throw him in a pit with a hundred other slaves, and start filling that pit with deadly acid; the slaves would have to fight one another to stand on a single, small platform while the rest perished in screaming agony. Angron won, but at what cost?

When he got older, the planetary elite thought he was getting too close with another slave, Oenomaus, and ordered the two to fight to the death. Angron refused, so they installed some forbidden tech, the Butcher’s Nails, which flooded the brain with anger and aggression hormones. This device is visible as Angron’s sick dreadlocks. Upon awakening from the surgery, Angron went on a rampage which only ended when he had killed Oenomaus, and his grief overwhelmed his aggression. Angron had survived, but at what cost?

After this, Angron plotted and led a slave revolt against the cruel overlords of Nuceria. He and hundreds of fellow slaves slaughtered their masters in the city of Desh’ea before fleeing into the mountains. The armies of Nuceria laid siege to these rebels, hoping to starve them out since any assault ended in massive casualties on the overlords’ side. At one point, Angron was forced to feed his allies his own blood to keep them alive. During this siege, the Emperor arrived at Nuceria. He teleported down and told his son to pack his things, they were leaving.

Angron brought himself to his full height, looked the Emperor square in the eye and said, “No.” These rebel slaves were his people and he would not abandon them until he was dead or Nuceria was free. The Emperor shrugged and said, “Okay.” and teleported back up to his ship. Angron prepared for another assault, this time by seven entire armies desperate to end this revolt. As the Nucerian soldiers closed in, Angron was teleported aboard the Emperor’s ship and his companions abandoned to die. Angron had survived again, but at what cost?

The Emperor was rather dismissive of Angron’s grief and rage at this kidnapping and betrayal, and promised him legions of supersoldiers made in his image who would allow him to conquer the Galaxy and perfect the art of combat. Angron was astonished at how badly the Emperor had missed the point. He would spend the rest of the Great Crusade trying to commit suicide by massive, overwhelming odds. He insisted on having Butcher’s Nails installed in all his Legionnaires, because the abused become abusers. He and his armies would slaughter entire planetary populations, and when the Emperor got mad, they’d look him in the eye and shrug.

Eventually, Khorne, the Chaos God of Slaughter and Warfare, decided that Angron had reached an arbitrary milestone of bloody murder and promoted him to Daemon Prince. Angron had won killing, but at what cost?

Angron is one of the most appalling tragedies of the Magical Clone Babies; if you haven’t figured out that the Emperor is kind of a bad guy after the one-two punches of Night Haunter and Angron, you’re dumb. Don’t be dumb, Avocados. Be kind, be funny, but don’t kidnap your children against their will, please?