Towards the end of the Age of Strife, the Emperor crafted 20 magical clone babies that he called Primarchs. The forces of Chaos didn’t like the Emperor very much, so they kidnapped his magical clone babies and threw them randomly all over the galaxy, and the Emperor had all kinds of adventures finding them again. This thread is about the sixth magical clone baby the Emperor recovered – Vulkan, Primarch of the 18th Legion.

Vulkan was the token Black Magical Clone Baby, and his clone pod was flung to the distant planet Nocturne. He was found by a village blacksmith, who was continually astonished at how quickly his newfound son learned and grew. By the age of three, Vulkan was larger than any man in town, and was re-inventing techniques in smithing that had been lost for centuries. When he was four, he led his village to a victory over the Dark Aeldar raiders who had tormented his people since time immemorial.

Shortly after Vulkan had finished kicking xenos ass, a mysterious stranger arrived in Vulkan’s village and challenged him to a tournament of ability, and the loser would have to swear fealty to the other (spoiler, the stranger was the Emperor, Vulkan’s dad). Unlike his rough-housing brothers, Vulkan’s tournament mostly involved non-violent things. Reading the room for once in his life, the Emperor eventually won Vulkan over by showing kindness and mercy.

Vulkan was the nicest of the Magical Clone Babies, becoming famous for giving orders and deriving tactics that would result in the fewest casualties on both sides. His brothers were astonished at the possibility of there being ‘fewer’ deaths! What they didn’t know was that Vulkan knew what dying felt like and didn’t particularly want that for anyone. He was a Perpetual like his dad, someone who would always reform and come back to life, regardless of what horrible, horrible things the universe did to him. Fun Fact: The Emperor is currently a desiccated ‘corpse’ because the Golden Throne only lets him be mostly dead; if he would ever be allowed to actually die, he would reform and be good as new.

Vulkan is one of the few Primarchs still out there, wandering the galaxy, righting wrongs, petting heckin’ good doggos, and making those interlocking ring puzzles you can buy at county fairs. It’s just nobody knows where he’s doing all that. His space marines believe he will return and save the Universe when they find all of his missing artifacts, and they’re lookin’; believe me, they’re lookin’.

Be like Vulkan, fellow Avocados, be kind, pet the kitties and puppers, and don’t die.