Happy Tuesday, everybody. We’ve got a kinda/sorta big week for new releases. I’m not sure any of these releases are going to set the world on fire with their brilliance, but I also don’t think you can just ignore them either.

Starting things off, we have a new Nintendo game, Mario vs. Donkey Kong, the latest entry in the puzzle platforming series that began on the Game Boy Advance back in 2004 (or perhaps the 1994 Game Boy title Donkey Kong, which features ideas seen in this series). Now, this new game is, apparently, a remake of the 2004 title, so it could just be the same puzzles with an HD coat of paint. Regardless, it’s been almost 20 years since that game came out and there’s certainly a brand new crop of Nintendo fans who have never played it, so why not get them hooked on the series too.

Mario vs. Donkey Kong (Switch) – Releases Feb. 16^th

Developed by: Nintendo
Published by: Nintendo

Our other big game of the week is Ubisoft’s oft-delayed Skull and Bones. You might be confused about what kind of game Skull and Bones is, and I think Ubisoft might be as well. Is it an MMO? A single player game? A shared single player world with MMO elements? I’m not entirely sure! What I do know is that Skull and Bones is yet another live service game, full of all the stuff you’ve come to expect from those, like an in-game store with its own premium currency that you can buy with real-world dollars, as well as seasonal battle passes with their own timed events and items. Ubisoft has been bragging about how they believe Skull and Bones is the first “quadruple-A game”, meaning that it cost way, WAY more money to produce then your average, bullshit triple-A game, and is the main reason why Skull and Bones will cost $70 at launch. Don’t worry, though, the price will drop to $15 on Black Friday before the servers are shut down in February of 2025.

Skull and Bones (PC/PS5/Series X|S) – Releases Feb. 16^th

Developed by: Ubisoft Singapore
Published by: Ubisoft

Those aren’t the only two big games coming out this week. The renowned developers over at Don’t Nod have a brand new title, Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden. Banishers has more in common with Don’t Nod titles like Remember Me and Vampyr than it does with Life is Strange, being a third person action/adventure game with a heavier focus on combat than on conversations and puzzle solving. That isn’t to say that your conversations won’t have any impact, though, as the plot is driven by the choices you make so, you know, don’t fuck things up.

Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden (PC/PS5/Series X|S) – Releases Feb. 6^th

Developed by: Don’t Nod
Published by: Focus Entertainment

Rounding out the top releases is the funky little side scroller Arzette: The Jewel of Faramore. This retro throwback game is heavily inspired by the Legend of Zelda titles made for the Phillips CD-i system. Yes, those same universally hated Zelda games that were shunned by critics and players alike, and stand amongst the worst video games ever made. As of this writing, there are no reviews out for Arzette, but early previews have been positive, with the consensus being that the game is far more fun and polished than those terrible CD-i Zelda games, and contains some hilarious, satirical takes on the “janky” cut scenes that filled those original titles.

Arzette: The Jewel of Faramore (PC/PS4/PS5/Switch/Xbox One/Series X|S) – Releases Feb. 13^th

Developed by: Seedy Eye Software
Published by: Limited Run Games

Ports and Re-releases:

Moving on to our big ports of the week, first we have Tomb Raider I-II-III Remastered, which collects the first three original Tomb Raider games in one package with the added bonus of being able to play with them all new graphics and controls. It arrives on Valentine’s Day, because of course it does. What gamer doesn’t want to spend this special holiday with one of the first big sex-bombs in gaming, Lara Croft. Me? Oh, no thank you, I’ll be having sex with my wife.

If big ass, polygon titties and wife sex aren’t your thing, you can always check out a massive RPG. Hell, why not check out TWO massive RPGs, when The Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel III & IV hits the PS5 this week. Huh, one port has massive breasts and the other has massive playtime. It truly is a win for large things.

Tomb Raider I-II-III Remastered (PC/PS4/PS5/Switch/Xbox One/Series X|S) – Releases Feb. 14^th

The Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel III & IV (PS5) – Releases Feb. 16^th

Everything else:

Now on to everything else, where we have the Metroidvania title Ultros, which has been getting some good buzz recently; maybe check this one out. There’s also the title Lords of Exile which looks like the coolest NES game ever made. However, I’ve been burned by other NES-like titles in the past (looking at you Oniken), so I’m being cautious here and waiting for reviews, not just diving in head first and hoping its good. No, I’ll be diving into something else on Feb. 14th instead. My wife’s vagina.

• Ultros (PC/PS4/PS5) – Releases Feb. 13^th
• Lords of Exile (PC/PS4/Switch/Xbox One) – Releases Feb. 14^th

Notable Releases from 10, 20, and 30 (and sometimes 40) years ago:

I hope you like martial arts & jumping, because this week’s notable titles are full of both! First we have 2014’s Strider, a reboot of the famous Capcom franchise that was probably hoping to kickstart a whole series of games for the titular ninja assassin. While the previous Strider games had been linear side scrollers, Capcom wanted to make this new title to feel bigger, so they made it a Metroidvania. With large areas to explore, the hope was that modern gaming audiences would be more engaged with Strider, and it seems they were.

Critics and players both supported Strider, giving it glowing reviews and selling over 1 million copies worldwide. However, 1 million might sound like a lot but, even as far back as the early 2000’s, selling 1 million units wasn’t quite the measure of success it was in the 80’s and 90’s. Since 2014, Capcom has put Strider back on the shelf, only using the character in crossover titles like Project X Zone and Marvel vs. Capcom: Infinite.

Moving on to 2004, we’ve got the action game Jet Li: Rise to Honor. Published by Sony and developed by their first party studio Foster City Studios, Rise to Honor had a lot of backing from Sony behind it. The hope was that Rise to Honor would be a huge tentpole title for Sony, tapping into the new found interest in games about crime, while using one of the most famous action stars in the world, Jet Li.

Rise to Honor was developed to purposefully resemble a film, with no loading screens and each of the games levels presented as a “DVD chapter”, with players able to access these scenes in a menu like they would with a film on DVD. While the hope was that Rise to Honor would wow audiences, the problem is that most critics found it to be boring and derivative.

Instead of branching out on its own and bringing something new to the table, much of the gameplay was cribbed from other titles, such as Max Payne and, bizarrely, Star Wars: Obi-Wan. As such, the scores Rise to Honor received were mostly average. While there was some fun to be had, the gameplay became monotonous and contained almost no replay value. Unlike a great martial arts film that you can watch over and over again, Rise to Honor was a sub par experience that didn’t merit any kind of revisit.

Leaping into 1994, we’ve got the SNES title The Ninja Warriors, a side scrolling beat ’em up from developer Natsume. The company had made a name for themselves with hardcore gamers in the late 80’s/early 90’s with NES titles like Abadox, Power Blade, S.C.A.T., and Shatter Hand, and were now moving onto the SNES. They continued to grow a cult following with titles like Pocky & Rocky, Wild Guns and, of course, The Ninja Warriors.

The game is actually a sequel to the 1987 Taito game The Ninja Warriors, despite not carrying a “2” in its name…or maybe it’s a reboot, no one really knows! In Japan the game was called The Ninja Warriors Again, which is a choice. I guess the original title just wasn’t known well enough in the West, or maybe they were hoping people would think it was either a new series or a port of the arcade game. Whatever the case, The Ninja Warriors was another critical smash for Natsume and hardcore gamers, but didn’t really pan out so well with the general public.

Seen as a niche title, The Ninja Warriors garnered high praise from critics but, like a lot of niche things, had to rely on comparing it to other, more well known, properties. It was compared favorably to Street Fighter II and Final Fight, and was called a “Neo Geo” type to, I guess, help make it sound technologically advanced over other SNES games. Despite the lack of enthusiasm from the mainstream gaming public, The Ninja Warriors received a re-release on modern platforms in 2019, with the title changed to The Ninja Saviors: Return of the Warriors.

That’s not all today, folks, we’ve also got a notable title form 1984, the Atari 2600 game Pitfall II: Lost Caverns. Once again developed by David Crane, Pitfall II was highly anticipated, with the reputation of the first title only growing since its release in 1982, thanks to the creation of a few animated episodes on the Saturday morning cartoon, Saturday Supercade. In the show, Pitfall Harry was accompanied by two new characters, his niece Rhonda and pet lion Quickclaw who was a bit of a coward…a…cowardly lion, if you will. Due to the show’s popularity, the characters were integrated into Pitfall II, with players having to rescue the two of them in order to complete the game.

The gameplay in Pitfall II is mostly identical to its predecessor, but with some changes. Players would no longer swing on vines, the time limit was removed, and lives were no longer a thing. Instead, players would lose points if they got hit by an enemy or fell into a trap. Pitfall II carried an early checkpoint system, with players able to interact with red crosses on the ground, which would allow them to restart from that point if they were injured.

Pitfall II was considered a technological marvel by critics in 1984, baffled that Crane could get such power and capability out of the now ancient Atari 2600. It was a bit of a cheat, however, as Crane would need to invent new microchips that were placed on the cartridge board that allowed for further computing power, including the ability to play music, as well as improved graphical capabilities not found in other 2600 games. Pitfall II wouldn’t do much to pull video games out of its post 1983 crash blues, and Crane didn’t help much either with his next title, the much maligned Ghostbusters. He would eventually leave Activision in 1987 and begin work on a new title, A Boy and His Blob.

Heading into the realm of notable films, 2014 gave us the remake About Last Night, featuring a predominantly African American cast performing a David Mamet play from the 70’s that had been first turned into a film in the 1980’s starring Rob Lowe and Jim Belushi. 2004 gave us the Adam Sandler/Drew Barrymore film 50 First Dates, one of the worst Sandler films critically, but one of his most endearing and beloved by general audiences. This movie is cute, but woefully unfunny, offensive, and just plain implausible.

1994’s notable film is the Gen-X classic Reality Bites, featuring slacker icons Winona Ryder and Ethan Hawke. The film is also the directorial debut of Ben Stiller who had, at this point, mostly been known for sketch comedy and short parody films. With Reality Bites, Stiller, as well as writer Helen Childress, were able to give a voice to a new generation of twenty-something’s who were just coming out of college to a major recession in the U.S. The film’s name isn’t supposed to signify that reality is harsh, instead Childress said that “bites” has more to do with sound bites, small snippets of speech usually found in news stories. These “reality bites” were the small conversations had by the characters in the film that told a larger story about the experience of young adults in the early 1990’s. Pfft, whatever.

Finally, 1984 gave us the all-time classic Footloose, the breakthrough role for actor Kevin Bacon. Featuring an Oscar nominated soundtrack, Footloose was one of the king’s of teen cinema in the 1980’s, becoming a sleepover staple with VHS players taking hold in American households. In a recent viewing, I found the movie to be wildly unrealistic and cheesy, but in a good hearted, fun sort of way. Seeing this big city, new wave loving, gymnast in a neck tie try to get a town of bible thumping country folk to repeal a ban on dancing was a rollicking good time, even if the script kind of sucks. Alright, enough about movies, we’re going to switch over to notable music, so…LET’S DANCE!

2014 saw the release of Voices the second album from electro-pop duo Phantogram. The album was their mainstream breakthrough after a few years of touring and high profile collaborations with The Flaming Lips and Outkast rapper Big Boi. Voices helped to further the bands reputation, leading them to appear at several music festivals, while continuing to collaborate with well known artists like Miley Cyrus and Tom Morello.

2004 gives us an album from another electro-pop duo, She’s in Control, from Chromeo. This was their debut album and, while it didn’t propel them into the mainstream just yet, it was certainly a solid calling card, gaining the attention of club DJ’s who took the track “Needy Girl” and spun it in nightclub’s around the world. Another song, “You’re So Gangsta” was the theme song to the 2003 video game Space Colony, a Sims-like title from Firefly Studios.

1994’s notable album continues the trend of alternative music starting to lean further into punk territory with the album Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain by Pavement. Considered more of a post-punk band, Pavement felt more like a rough edged version of Pearl Jam than they did of the pop-punk stylings of Green Day and The Offspring. With Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain, their second album, Pavement hit the mainstream as the music consuming public, particularly Gen-X’ers, were beginning to come into their own as consumers. If you know the name Stephen Malkmus, it’s due to the success of Pavement. This is a fantastic album, I whole heartedly recommend it.

Going into 1984, we have “Weird” Al’s In 3D, his second full-length album of wacky parodies and comedic sound-alikes. Despite parodies of songs by The Police, Survivor, and Men Without Hats, the big single off of In 3D is “Eat It”, the parody of Michael Jackson’s “Beat It”. Scratch that, it wasn’t just a big single, it was a HUGE single. “Eat It” was Al’s most well known and successful song for nearly eight years, beaten out by his parody “Smells Like Nirvana” in 1992. The success of “Eat It” allowed Al to continue writing goofy songs and tour, delighting weirdos around the world for over four decades.

Strider (PC/PS3/PS4/Xbox 360/Xbox One) – Released Feb. 18^th, 2014: Wiki Link

Jet Li: Rise to Honor (PS2) – Released Feb. 17^th, 2004: Wiki Link

The Ninja Warriors (SNES) – Released Feb. 1994: Wiki Link

Pitfall II: Lost Caverns (Atari 2600) – Released Feb. 17^th, 1984: Wiki Link

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