Towards the end of the Age of Strife, the Emperor crafted 20 magical clone babies that he called Primarchs. The forces of Chaos didn’t like the Emperor very much, so they kidnapped his magical clone babies and threw them randomly all over the galaxy, and the Emperor had all kinds of adventures finding them again. This thread is about the second magical clone baby the Emperor recovered – Leman Russ, Primarch of the 6th Legion.

Leman crash landed on the planet Fenris, which was cold and covered with mountains and angry wolf-aliens. He was a man, I mean he was a wolf-man, or maybe he was just a frat bro who was a little too into Vikings for probably the wrong reasons, you all know that guy. What we do know is that Leman Russ was raised by a female angry wolf-alien before being discovered by one of the humans who lived on Fenris.

When the Emperor found him, Leman refused to have anything to do with his dad if his dad couldn’t beat him at three challenges. Leman won the eating contest and Leman won the drinking contest, but when they got to the ass-whuppin’ contest, The Emperor absolutely wrecked his shit. Apparently, these challenges followed TV sitcom rules, because the Emperor winning one out of three was enough for Leman to swear fealty.

Because Leman Russ was a huge jerk, the Emperor gave him the job of Executioner, who would punish and kill any of his brothers if they did Dad dirty. When Horus did their dad dirty, Leman Russ tried to kill him, but failed, multiple times, over and over. Eventually, The Emperor killed Horus, and Leman Russ, who had ONE JOB, got drunk and drove into a portal to Hell, and was never seen again.

Don’t do like Leman Russ did, folks. Stay nice to each other, do your ONE JOB, and don’t drive into a portal to Hell.