Hey everybody, have you heard? Apparently there’s a Barbie movie in theaters. I know, right? First I’m hearing of it too. I’ve also been hearing that the film can’t seem to decide if it loves or hates Barbie, but hey, I haven’t watched it, so I’ll just mention it’s been making all of the Barbie bucks. And many people are even doing it as a double feature with Oppenheimer, because hey, memes are great marketing sometimes (well, unless you’re Morbius).

Now back in the mid-90s, there was another double feature that was all the rage, and Barbie and Ken went to the Barbie Movie Theatre to make sure they were a part of the pop culture phenomenon. The first film on their program was A Dolphin’s Tale, which sounds suspiciously like Dolphin Tale, but that wouldn’t come out until 2010 (and it had a sequel, apparently, because I guess there was a huge demand for dolphins in the 2010s). The second chapter of Barbie and Ken’s double feature was Dog in a Car. Or at least I think that’s what it was called. I think it was about a dog who took a car ride. Or maybe it was Oppenheimer but with dogs.

Like many couples enjoying date night, Barbie and Ken helped themselves to popcorn the size of their heads, and Ken, ever the shrewd ladies man, did the old arm stretch trick to place his arm around his girl. As for the movie screen…well, the gimmick here is really cool. Kid me would have loved to try that out, assuming the “magical movie screen” actually worked. But…isn’t a standard size TV a “movie screen” in proportion to Barbie? Doesn’t shrinking it down to “Barbie size” (which is how Barbie lovingly describes Ken’s penis, by the way, except that he doesn’t have one) just make it…well, a television as far as Barbie’s concerned? And that popcorn! That popcorn is absolutely going to be a choking hazard!

Have a lovely night, y’all!