In the summer of 2007, there was a movie that was a huge deal. It had giant robots, and really, that was all that mattered. The hype was massive, and despite some complaints from “traditional” fans, it looked really fucking cool. It was a film you had to see on the biggest screen that was available to you.

I’m of course talking about Gladiformers.

Gladiformers is an “animated” movie centered around vehicles that can transform into robots who fight to the death in an arena. Or at least they keep saying it’s an arena. Really, it looks like a garage, and this is where the entire movie takes place. Those who saw Michael Bay’s obscure Gladiformers rip-off Transformers have probably made jokes by now about the weirdly sexual way he seems to film military equipment. Well, that’s nothing compared to Gladiformers, where 90% of the runtime consists of the characters not moving at all (conveniently, they have no mouths) as the camera moves around their asses while they trash talk each other before their big fights. The robots explode, fall apart, and get decapitated during said fights. If you’re thinking “fucking sweet” like I would upon reading these words, I should warn you that all of this violence happens with the weight of a child’s block tower falling over.

But that’s not the important part. What really sets this apart from similar films is that Gladiformers (which stands for “Robot Gladiators”, in case you didn’t know) has a ton of lore. The robots are constantly praying to “God-bots” prior to combat, grudges between characters are explained in great detail, there are “Supreme-bots” who I guess are the overlords of everything, and a heroic prince. You all know him, of course. Prince Julius Drive, who at the end must face off against his sworn enemy, Magnum Tutor! These are household names in pop culture, but in case you are somehow still confused, maybe the plot summary from the DVD will help…

Still confused? Well, that’s okay. To be fair, you have to have a really high IQ to understand Gladiformers. Recently I have done several OTs on Quest for Camelot, and while that is a very easy movie to make fun of, I do still really love it and think it’s a good film, thanks to solid animation, great songs, and likable characters (plus, I kind of associate it with my dad even though he passed just before it opened, so there’s also that). Gladiformers is a different beast entirely. And if you get through the whole thing, I will be genuinely impressed with you…

Have a great night, y’all! And may the God-bots bless you!

Discussion prompts: Who is your favorite Gladiformer? What is your favorite Gladiformers generation? Did this movie successfully predict the future when it came to sports betting apps?