The Legend of Frosty the Snowman is a 2005 straight-to-video sequel to Rankin/Bass’s Frosty the Snowman. Unlike Frosty Returns and Frosty’s Winter Wonderland, it is a “movie” (running at just over an hour) that retcons the previous installments and goes in directions so insane I’m not even sure where to begin. Also, “Christmas” isn’t mentioned once in this film, making this the third Frosty follow-up which has nothing whatsoever to do with that holiday, therefore making it fair game for January OTs.

The Legend of Frosty the Snowman takes place in a shitty neighborhood, run by an authoritative mayor who rules over everyone with an iron fist. I should also point out that this mayor is really stupid and comes up with even stupider rules for his shitty neighborhood, which everyone obeys for some reason. Like, dude, you’re a mayor. You really have very little political power at the end of the day. Why is everyone listening to you? Why do the kids have to do morning roll call every morning? Why is there an extended joke about corn being a starch? (No, really, that is a joke in this film)

Anyway, the mayor’s son is an obedient little shit who also longs for the freedom to not obey his dad’s stupid rules. And then Frosty shows up, to introduce a little anarchy. This is the part where you think I’m making this up, but no. Frosty is an agent of chaos in a world full of senseless order, encouraging the children to follow him in his pursuit of freedom. And I haven’t even gotten to the fucking magic comic book yet!

Have another frosty night, Avocados!