Ad Space – Grammar Douche

You are now entering Ad Space, a realm of commercials, brought before us so we might examine how they work, and discuss why we both love and hate them so. So it is written …

The Product:

The Promotion:

The Pitch:
Start writing clearly and confidently, you thick-witted loser!

Okay, look, I’m well aware that hyperbole is a common thing in commercials. It’s not enough to tell you the product is nice to have. No, they have to say you need the product, that you won’t be able to get by without. It’s an old, old tactic.

But this one right here? It steams me up.

It’s mainly the first “Future Brent” I take issue with (though all of them have a smug, condescending air about them). I realize they’re going for the idea that Future Brent, being from the future and all, knows more than Past Brent and is trying to share their hard won experience with their younger self. But what’s meant to be sage advice instead comes off as bullying and belittling Past Brent so that they’ll cave in to peer pressure (Future Brent outright says, “C’mon, man, everyone’s using it!”)

Plus, while Future Brent is ostensibly addressing Past Brent, we know they’re really meant to be addressing the audience. And I, for one, am a bit insulted when F.B. goes on about “your messy, confusing sentences”.

And after badgering Past Brent into using Grammarly, Future Brent has the gall to say they sound so much more confident now. Because nothing says confident like letting your future self bully you around. It’s one step shy of a Troy McClure self-help video: Get Confident, Stupid!

Up yours, Future Brent. I’m glad Sarai left you.