Chapter 3: OVER NORTHERN INDIA MARCH 29TH, 1996 — 30,000 FEET
The ink-black wedge of the summit pyramid stood out in stark relief, towering over the surrounding ridges. Thrust high into the jet stream, the mountain ripped a visible gash in the 120-knot hurricane, sending forth a plume of ice crystals that trailed to the east like a long silk scarf. As I gazed across the sky at this contrail, it occurred to me that the top of Everest was precisely the same height as the pressurized jet bearing me through the heavens. That I proposed to climb to the cruising altitude of an Airbus 3000 jetliner struck me, at that moment, as preposterous, or worse. (p. 32)
STILL STUCK AT FUCKING BASE CAMP, DEAD OF NIGHT APRIL 14, 1996 — 17,600 FEET
Bigfoot is raging. “Can you believe these people?! LISTEN TO THIS! So, you have a thirst for adventure! Perhaps you dream of visiting seven continents or standing on top of a tall mountain. Most of us never dare act on our dreams and scarcely venture to share them or admit to great inner yearnings.”
“My inner yearnings may just have gotten a lot more homicidal”, Maria confesses.
“[Natiff] Consultants specialises in organising and guiding mountain climbing adventures. Skilled in the practicalities of developing dreams into reality –“,
“What the fuck did we even get rid of Brett for if we still have to deal with this sort of thing?”, Cliff groans.
“– of developing dreams into reality, we work with you to reach your goal. We will not drag you up a mountain – you will have to work hard – but we guarantee to maximise the safety and success of your adventure.”
Maria is bored by corporate bullshit; she just wants to get right back to murdering. She gently takes the brochure out of Bigfoot’s hands.
[Paws? If he has big feet, he has big hands, too presumably? Does Bigfoot have Bighands? Is that the name of his favourite cousin? I WANT ANSWERS!!]
As luck would have it, that’s exactly the moment that one of the members of the Motley Mountaineering Crew chooses to interrupt their little gathering: “Heya, friends!”
“I can never tell if you are to be called The Abominable Snowman, or if it’s the other guy”, Bigfoot says.
“I’ve been sitting on my hands all day. I didn’t want to ruin anything”, says Snow Miser earnestly.
“I wouldn’t touch you with a ten-foot pole”, Maria tells him, with equal earnesty.
Snow Miser mistakes the slight head-tilt as being directed at him, in a flirtatious manner. Of course, that’s really just Maria signalling Gabe to get it over with.
Snow Miser is confused by this but tries to remain polite, frozen in place by convention.
In order to distract their victim further, Maria reads to him: “For those who dare to face their dreams, the experience offers something special beyond the power of words to describe. We invite you to climb your mountain with us.”
“Um, uh, um… Well, isn’t this what we are all here for anyway?”
A moment later, Snow Miser is reminded that this is not so. Being impaled with a ten-foot tent pole will do that to you. It turns into snow upon impact, but the damage is done.
“This is how you do Permanent Popsicling!”, Bigfoot declareth.
“Nice! I think next time, I’d like to try doing that with an ice-pick.” Maria is nothing if not practical.
Snow Miser (Owen) has been turned into an Abominable Snowman with a Ten-Foot Pole Sticking out of Him in a Delicate Place. He was a member of the Motley Mountaineering Crew (Town).
Across the mountaintops, the Goddess delivers her sermon to the melody of Fields of Gold: “See the west wind move like a lover so/Over the deepest crevasse/Feel your blood turn cold as the snow comes down/Among an icy croak.”
If you were hell-bent on climbing the peak and could somehow come up with the dough, [Natiff] Consultants was the obvious choice. (p. 38)
(All cursive text quoted from: Jon Krakauer, Into Thin Air, Anchor Books, New York, 1999)
This is the actual text from the actual brochure. I’m washing my hands in
the blood of innocents innocence.
(The roles are for flavor only and aren’t assigned to specific players)
- Maria von Trapp: Maria is sick and tired of her Sound of Music persona. She longs for change. Maria is ready, so ready for something other than cream-coloured ponies and crisp apple strudels. The hills are alive with The Sound of … Murder!
- Bigfoot: Two things have sent Bigfoot on this homicidal path. First, the US of Arrogance claiming him as theirs. Secondly, the constant littering of those damn climbing tourists. Some of the stuff is actually recyclable!
- Gabriel Walker as Portrayed by Sylvester Stallone in Cliffhanger (just call him Gabe): Nobody understands the mumbled motivations of The World According to Gabe, but that’s okay. His emotional issues are so massive that you can see them bulge even through a snow suit, anyway.
13 9 members of the Motley Mountaineering Crew (Town): Their only power is to vote on whom to leave out in the snow to turn into a Permanent Popsicle at the end of each day.
- Do not edit or delete posts for any reason.
- The Wolf kill is mandatory.
- On the mountain, indecision can be deadly – In the event of a tie, the wolves decide which of the tied players dies.
- Autokill is triggered if one player gets a majority, but only if everyone has voted (a retracted vote still counts for this purpose).
- Town wins when all Wolves are eliminated. Wolves win when their numbers equal Town (or when nothing can be done to prevent this).
- Play the game! Inactivity may result in replacement. Try to make at least 10 game related posts per day.
- Quoting: do not directly reference any communication with the Mod that happened outside the game threads.
- No game talk after twilight. If it’s not roleplay, save it for the next day.
- Attack arguments, not people. Be kind.
- VT Message: “You are a member of the Motley Mountaineering Crew (Vanilla Town)”
- Special thanks to Tiff for writing all the flavor (sorry, flavour).
- The spreadsheet will have the most up to date vote count, though I’ll also update the count in the vote thread as often as I can.
- If you’re in the document, you’ll show up as a random anonymous animal to anyone else viewing the document (including me), even if you’re signed into a google account. So you can open it without worrying about anyone seeing your IRL info.
- Abby // THE BOULDER
- April // Det. Alex Cumberland, MD
- Chum // Big Rock Candy Mountain Expeditionist
- Goat // MU Logicker
- Jake // Not-the-Horror-Film Jack Frost
- Lamb // Cliff Hanger
- Lindsay // Skydancer, Fairy of the Mountain
- Mike // George Mallory, Mystery Mountaineer
- Moonster // Blucifer, the Blue Mustang from Hell
- Nuka // Cuphead
- Queequeg // Yukon Kornelius
- Sic // Smash Bros Ice Climbers
Owen // Snow Miser– Town, Died Night 2 Cork // Brett, an Alternative (TM) White Guy– Town, Died Day 2 Malthusc // Frederick Barbarossa– Town, Died Night 1 Josephus // The Ghost of Edmund Hillary– Town, Died Day 1
Twilight will be at 3pm Central (4pm Eastern) on Monday, July 25.