Owned since: Nov. 27th, 2021
Genre: Shameless SAW Hi-NRG
Where I Bought It: Second-hand shop chain 2nd and Charles
Label/Pressing: Kid Rhino Records
Sloot Crystal Power, Make Up!
First things first, the cover of this album is a giant fucking lie. Of the English language tracks, there are only three credited singers and those three represent only two additional Sailor Scouts in addition to our titular heroine Sailor Moon. This technically fulfills the requirements of containing more than one Scout as promised by the title but violates the spirit of the contract forged with the listener. Absolute horseshit. Who are the Scouts represented by this album? Clocking in at a meager two songs, we have Lita Kino (the boy crazy tomboy) as voiced 1 by Patricia Tollett. This appears to be Patricia’s best known (and possibly only?) credited role, so not much to say here. Hot on Lita’s heels with three songs we have Raye Hino (the feisty, but dutiful, beauty) as voiced by Sandy Howell. Sandy’s had a very busy career 2, ranging from being a backing vocalist for Gnarls Barkley to the singer for some archival Mary Poppins songs to Nintendo Game (Nintendo) – Diana Ross Sound-A-Like and Scooter the Penguin
And finally, the featured singer on half this album, Serena Tsukino (crybaby meatball head) as voiced by Jennifer Cihi. Jennifer has carved a successful niche as one of those multi-talented folks that do the small anime conventions circuit, but there is one thing she’s done that will be with me until I’m on my deathbed.
The Japanese language songs on the album, thrown on there to entice the most hardcore of weebs to buy I presume, also have a similar mix of quiet success and sole credits despite being just two acts. Yoko Ishida has worked steadily since her debut with a different Sailor Moon song3, carving a reliable niche in anime theme songs for near 30 years. The iconic theme song meanwhile was entrusted to Idol group DALI. This, by all accounts, was their released song and almost nothing else is known about them. What scant info I could find was from a single blogpost which also laments on the scant info they could find.
This album’s an odd duck in a lot of ways. The album was released as a tie-in for Sailor Moon R which had a convoluted release in North America, ultimately taking three years from its initial (truncated) airing in 1995 before finding a stable home in after-school staple Toonami in 1998. Further complicating this, a Canadian version of this album was released in 1997 with changes in pitch, arrangement and instrumentation for two of the tracks.4
Sonically, this album is dated as hell, even for the year it was released. If you’ve pressed play on the embedded playlist, you know this already but it bears repeating. Stock Aikman Waterman had been defunct for a half-decade and their powerhouse phase a decade, but this album just oozes them. I Want Someone To Love Me (RAW remix) tricks you into thinking that you may get a jolt of new jack swing, but that notion is immediately quashed by the cover of I Want To Hold Your Hand. 5 Everything is filtered through that Hi-NRG energy. The Spin Doctors-esque Who Do You Think You Are is not safe. Jangly cringe ballad Daddy’s Girl is not safe. Hell, Ai no Senshi is at least justified in being steeped in that sound since it was originally released in 1993. The only one that dodges it completely is album closer Nothing At All, a watery keyboard weeper. Is this album actually good? I cannot say at this point, suffering from the camp overload that comes just from listening to it. Good and bad are meaningless in the face of something that exists as a pure expression of outrageousness. Ai no Senshi was enough of a banger, though, that I have been able to find multiple translations of it for official dubs.
I paid $8 for this. That’s a dollar a track. I don’t regret it, but I’m not sure if it was the healthiest decision. Go now, and think of all the other things the cultural powerhouse that is Sailor Moon has begat.