September 3rd Night Thread of daveshayne Telling a Terrible Joke Badly, in Script Form

Dramatis Personae

Sheriff Andrew Taylor (no relation)

Deputy Richard Little (no relation)

Speeder Richard Chamberlain (no relation)

Scene: A police car hidden behind a billboard on a highway occupied by SAT and DRL.

DRL: Wanna hear my Bogart impression again, Sheriff? How about W.C. Fields?

SAT: No, Richard, I do not. Nobody wants to hear your impressions. They aren’t exactly bad but dated references to long dead celebrities aren’t really the forefront of humor.

DRL: Aw, you’re no fun Andy. And for crying out loud I’ve asked you to call me Rich since you made me a deputy. Richard is just too formal.

SAT: And I told you not to call me Andy. It’s Andrew or, if we’re on the job like now, Sheriff. Stop trying to pretend we will ever be friends.

DRL: (singing. badly. as Bette Midler. badly.) You gotta have frie….

SAT: Stop.

(an uncomfortable silence falls. It’s silent, it’s uncomfortable, and it’s rolling around on the floorboard. The silence is broken by the sound of a car driving very fast.)

DRL: Damn did you see that? Radar has him at almost 100.

SAT: Thank Groo, let’s light em up and reel this fish in. (The police car gives chase siren wailing and lights flashing.)

(After a short chase the speeding car pulls over and SAT and DRL approach the vehicle. As they walk to the driver side window we see a bumper sticker that reads, “Proud Parent of an Indiana University Honors Student.”)

SAT: (to driver in car) License and registration please. (the driver hands the documents over we see the name Richard Chamberlain.)

SAT: What’s your name Hoosier Daddy?

DRL: (To Sheriff) Is he Rich? Is he Rich like me?

Wakka Wakka

*Note this is a rewrite of something I posted to many, many years ago