For Werewolf 153, Ralphroro Enterprises Inc. is proud to present The Werewolf-O-Matic!
Hello. We’re Ralph and Grumproro, co-founders of Ralphroro Enterprises Inc., and we would like to introduce you to the product that is going to revolutionize the way you play Werewolf! [hold for applause] Say hello to the future of Werewolf *in unison*: The Werewolf-O-Matic! [hold for oohs and ahs] Behold!
The Werewolf-O-Matic does nothing but create normal Werewolf games, efficiently, effectively, and with 22% less toxic waste byproducts than other Werewolf game systems. But don’t just take our word for it; hear what some of our satisfied customers have said about the Werewolf-O-Matic:
“The Werewolf-O-Matic made a pretty straightforward game of Werewolf. Nothing weird happened that I can recall. Nope. Totally normal Werewolf.”–R. (Anytown, USA)
“The Werewolf-O-Matic saved my marriage!”–G. Roro (Nowhweresville, Arkansas)
And guess what? It’s never been easier to see if The Werewolf-O-Matic is right for you because, right now, while supplies last, you can claim your one-game free trial of The Werewolf-O-Matic! [hold for gasps and applause] That’s right! Experience for yourself the perfect normalcy of a game run on the Werewolf-O-Matic. For free! Once you fall in love with The Werewolf-O-Matic (and we know you will) [wink to crowd], all you have to do is register your free trial subscription for a small monthly fee of $89.99. Your free trial of The Werewolf-O-Matic will give you a normal Werewolf experience, during which we predict absolutely no abnormalities. 1
Here are all the normal Werewolf accessories that you’ll get:
- 13 Vanilla Town
- 1 Jailer – Very normal jailer stuff. Can’t jail themselves.
- 1 Medic – Perfectly normal medic. Can heal one town member each night.
- 1 Investigator – You know what an investigator does. Normal investigator stuff!
- 2 Ralphroro Entry-level Associates (Wolves)
- 1 Ralphroro Regional Manager (Roleblocker Wolf)
- 1 Ralphroro District Manager (Investigator Wolf)
- 1 Disgruntled Ralphroro IT Specialist– Doesn’t answer your emails. Also they’re the serial killer!
Of course, we here at Ralphroro Enterprises Inc. know that even the simplest Werewolf game can be confusing to the average easily-befuddled Werewolfer. So you also get access to our J.D. Power Award-nominated Ralphroro Enterprises Help Desk for any questions or concerns you might have about our fine products! Our team of customer-care technicians is trained and ready to handle whatever incompetence you can throw at them! [Hold for absolutely wild applause]
So act now! Claim your free trial of The Werewolf-O-Matic by signing up below! Mods are standing by! [Blow kisses to crowd, bask in their love]