In all the tinsel and terror of the holiday season, we too often underestimate the murderous brute that is Robot Santa. With images of last year’s Gingerbread Massacre freshly baked into our memories, I remind you to bolt your doors, say goodbye to your pets, and lock your children in the closet.

Have a Merry Xmas Day, everyone! I hope you are all safe, well, and are able to be with your loved ones today.