Grading the Monster High characters

Having a niece makes you do crazy things. Sometimes you wonder weird things, like, “Is it appropriate to give presents for Halloween?” Which turns into, “Wait, what kind of presents?” That’s when you get sucked into the wormhole that is Monster High.

I admit to having preconceived notions about Monster High. Clearly they’re Bratz with vampire, werewolf, and Frankenstein themes, right? Well, yes, they do exist — including a doll named Frankie Stein — but Monster High is far more expansive than that. Among its cast are the progeny of Greek gods, Chinese dragons, and cryptids. I found myself hopelessly wanting to know more, which is readily available on their character page. Favorite activities, favorite friends, pet peeves, friends… it’s all there!

Here are a few that caught my unguarded eye.

I admit Kiyomi is a bit of a disappointment. I’m glad for her inclusion to give a more international flavor… but the whole faceless thing isn’t working for me. In addition, her hair lacks that terrifying wet look that we associate with most pop culture yokai. A noble attempt, but she’s no Jinfire Long, the daughter of the Chinese Dragon. If I gave this to my niece, she’d wonder what she did wrong to deserve this. Grade: C-

Nieghthan begs som any questions. The son of a zombie… AND a unicorn? How… how did they… you know… anyway, tough questions to be asked by a two year old that I’m not ready to answer. Still, Nieghthan is sporting a killer look, one that says he’s ready to catch some tasty waves. Crap, I wish I looked good as this zombie unicorn. Grade: B.

I love, love, love that there’s a Monster High character based on Bigfoot. And not just any Bigfoot… it’s specifically the South American Bigfoot! Does Marisol have big feet? Kinda. A full body illustration shows that she’s got hairy ankles and disguises it mostly under platform shoes. Still… South American Bigfoot doll! Also, cute hat. Grade: B+.

It says Kjersti is a gamer and hates server lag. OK, Monster High, I see what you did there. Grade: B-. The name sounds like it’s a pun of someone’s name, but that can’t be…

Oh… COME ON. Grade: C+.