Dorothy sat alone in the well-apportioned 80’s kitchen, a whole cheesecake in front of her on the white kitchen table. She was dressed in a nightgown that also, strangely, was a baseball jersey? With shoulder pads? Very chic. With a heavy sigh, she took a fork in her hands.
“Are you going to eat that cheesecake?”
Rose came through the door, her green silk pajamas clashing with her blonde-white hair.
“No Rose, I’m going to make it into a hat and wear it to Disneyworld!” Even depressed, Dorothy maintained her sarcastic humor.
“We’re going to Disneyworld?!?!” Rose asked.
Before Dorothy could answer, Blanche came through the swinging kitchen door. She was wearing a cherry red nightgown with a plunging nightgown that seemed entirely impractical.
“Oh, hi girls. I heard someone out here and I was hoping it was robbers.”
“You were hoping it was robbers?” Rose asked. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
“Well, yes. You know, robbers, that might take me hostage. They’d tie me to a chair and make me watch while they took our valuables and ransacked our house with their big strong arms…and tight black shirts over their rippling muscles…and one of the them would have a huge…crowbar…”
Blanche ran to the sink and splashed water in her face.
“The next time someone calls 911, they should send you instead of the cops.” Dorothy turned back to contemplating the cheesecake.
“Wait,” Rose asked, “why are you up?”
“Oh, it’s Stan. I just can’t get rid of him. He’s always asking for more money to invest in his cockamamie novelty ideas. He’s really getting in the way of my lifestyle. He such a…such a…”
“He’s a yutz.” Sophia’s voice cut through the night has she walked into the kitchen.
“Ma, what are you doing up?” Dorothy asked.
“You think I can sleep with the three of you lumbering around here at night, making more noise than the cast of Stomp?”
“Oh ma, there are all these yutzes bringing us down!” Dorothy lamented. “Like Stan…”
“And that Carol from next door,” Blanche said. “Last Tuesday I brought a man home, and he caught her looking through my bedroom window with a pair of binoculars. Eventually we decided it was hot, but initially it was a shock!”
“And Freida Claxton,” Rose said. “She keeps trying to get that beautiful oak tree torn down.”
“And your cousin Sven,” Blanche said.
“Blanche, that wasn’t his fault,” Rose retorted.
“No one should be that handsome AND that dumb,” Blanche replied.
“And Angela!” Sophia added.
“Ma, she loves Phil very much,” Dorothy said, trying to calm her mother’s vitriol.
“If she loved Phil so much, she would have stopped him from wearing that silk chemise to my 80th birthday party.”
“I thought he looked very beautiful,” Rose said.
“What are we gonna do about all these yutzes!” Dorothy threw her hands up.
“And don’t forget Daisy from down the street. She’s just straight up evil,” Rose said.
“Right now?’ Blanched asked. “Right now, we’re gonna have some cheesecake.”
So that’s what they did.
THE GIRLS (18 TOWN)
DOROTHY ZBORNAK (JAILER) – With Dorothy’s hard-shelled exterior and experience as a substitute teacher, she’s a perfect fit for her job as the town jailer. Each night, Dorothy submits a target to be roleblocked and protected. The target will not be immune to investigation. She cannot target the same player two nights in a row.
BLANCHE DEVEREAUX (COMMUTER) – Blanche’s social life is very busy. VERY busy. She enjoys the company of men and is seldom home in the evening. As a result, Blanche is the town commuter, and is immune to all night actions every other evening.
ROSE NYLUND (COP) – Although Rose might seem dumb, she was assistant to an investigative reporter and worked at the suicide hotline. Also there was that time Miles turned out to be in the Witness Protection Program. Rose is the town cop. Rose submits a target each night to be investigated. Wolves return a result of “Yutz,” town and unaffiliated players return a result of “Not a Yutz.” She cannot target the same player two nights in a row.
SOPHIA PETRILLO (VENGEFUL) – Sophia can be a wise old woman, but she’s also a vengeful Sicilian well-acquainted with curses from her village. If Sophia is day-killed, she may choose another player to die with her on her way out.
14 SOPHISTICATED WOMEN IN THEIR 60’s (VANILLA TOWN)
THE YUTZES (FIVE WOLVES)
STANLEY ZBORNAK (UNDETECTABLE WOLF) – Dorothy’s ex-husband Stan has done all manner of ridiculous things, from leaving her for a flight attendant to kidnapping her on her wedding day to Leslie Nielsen. As King of the Yutzes, his overwhelming sleaziness makes him undetectable to the town cop, and he will return a result of “Not a Yutz.”
FREIDA CLAXTON (WOLF ROLE COP) – When the Girls try their hardest to save a beautiful old oak tree at a public hearing, Freida Claxton, who has the tree on her property, tells the city to tear it down, and also admits that she hates Rose. She’s pretty mean and she keeps a list. Each night, Freida submits a player’s name to be investigated. Town players with roles will return a result of “Roled,” vanilla town and the SK will return a result of “Vanilla.”
CAROL WESTON (WOLF ROLEBLOCKER) – Carol is an awfully needy neighbor, and would show up unannounced periodically until she finally got her own spinoff with her father and sister. What a pain. Each night, Carol can show up unannounced and block the actions of one player. She cannot block the same player two nights in a row.
COUSIN SVEN LINDSTROM (COMMUTER WOLF) – Sven is Rose’s sweet dumb cousin from St. Olaf. He’s also nothing but trouble. Unused to the ways of the world, Sven falls in love with Blanche and causes all sorts of drama between the girls. Being from out of town, he has to travel back and forth to Miami from Minnesota. As a result, he will be immune to night actions every other evening.
ANGELA PETRILLO (VANILLA WOLF) – Angela is Sophia’s daughter-in-law, and Sophia always hated her for allowing Phil to indulge his cross-dressing habit. They did make up finally after Phil’s death. As such, Angela is just a vanilla wolf, and really not a bad person at all.
DAISY (SERIAL KILLER) – Perhaps the Golden Girls’ arch-nemesis, Daisy is a Sunshine Cadet who bought Rose’s childhood teddy bear when it had been put out by mistake at a yard sale. Unwilling to give the bear back to the heartbroken Rose, Daisy holds the bear for ransom and threatens its life and limb. Daisy is one tough cookie. Daisy is a traditional serial killer, and wins when it comes down to just them and one other person.
- The order of actions will be roleblocking and protection first, and then whatever order will result in the most actions going through.
- Ties result in RNG between the tied players.
- Wolves share a QT. There will be no eavesdropping mechanics.
- You win if your faction is the last one standing or it is mathematically impossible for another faction to win. A tied final day will result in a special ending.
- You must make a minimum of three posts per day to avoid being mod-killed or replaced. Do not quote from your QTs. DO NOT EDIT YOUR COMMENTS.
- There may be events, with prizes. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
- Colonel Mustard
- Captain Video
- The Hayes Code
- Tiff Aching’s Golden Hare
- Miss Rim
- Nate the Lesser
- Louie Blue
- Side Character
- Raven and Rose
- Forget It Jake
You are a SOPHISTICATED WOMAN IN HER 60’S (VANILLA TOWN). As such, you have no special powers other than your vote. Each day you can vote to send someone you believe to be a Yutz off to the Shady Pines Retirement Home. Once all the Yutzes are gone (and that horrible little twit Daisy), you can lead your swinging hip older lady Miami lifestyle in peace!
TWILIGHT WILL BE 6PM CENTRAL ON SUNDAY NOVEMBER 1ST!