I’VE DONE IT! I’ve uncovered the secret of the Trump administration!
No, they’re not aliens. Probably. It depends if you count the sequel as canon. Anyway, I think if we consider all the evidence, the only rational conclusion is that the Trump administration is comprised entirely of Highlanders.
Er, not exactly Highlanders, which would mean they’re all from the Scottish Highlands, but immortal beings as portrayed in the 1986 fantasy (documentary?) film Highlander. If you’ve never seen it, the idea is these folks are fated to live forever until they’ve all killed each other off in bad-ass duels with swords. The last survivor will receive some mysterious “prize,” which I assume in Trump’s case would be immunity from prosecution.
Now you may be wondering, “Why am I reading this crap?” I can’t help you with that one, but if you actually mean, “Intriguing, tell me more!” then I’ve got you covered. You see, the key piece of evidence is the non-stop backstabbing. You can’t go one day anymore without reading that some Trump lackey is testifying about all the horrible stuff happening at the White House, or that some other Trump lackey is being thrown under the bus via Twitter. Betrayal is everywhere.
So yeah, from the boss on down, their objective is to destroy each other and be the last crook standing. QED.
So now we’ve got that issue resolved, but there’s still plenty to talk about. Please don’t threaten anyone while doing so. Have a good weekend!